Healthcare Parent Transwidows

My husband moved out to live his new life as a woman

Those twelve months were a hell of lies and insults. 

I was told that I should be okay with him transitioning because I “had too much testosterone to be a woman, so should be happy for him to take the female role.” 

And there was a myriad of other examples of misogyny that peppered his arguments.

My children were just starting their teens and were both affected badly by this. My daughter fell out with her Dad, until she decided that she was nonbinary and then she fell out with me. We haven’t spoken in over year and she wrote to me recently to say that she is now a boy (age 18).  My son had a serious mental health issues with self harm and suicide attempts.

When this first happened, I watched friends turn themselves inside out to be understanding and to not be seen as transphobic (though my good friends didn’t take long to decide he was a git – thank god!) My gender critical views do not match with my children’s viewpoints, so I have to try and hold back from voicing how I feel at home.  And ultimately, I blame myself for everything. I can’t get away from the idea that I broke up our family and my gender critical viewpoints mean that I really am a transphobic bigot.

I follow people that have similar views to learn more about feminism and the issues around and share some of the articles that I find interesting.  I am also a teacher and occasionally have conversations with teenagers who have expressed gender confusion – discussing how gender nonconformity doesn’t mean that they are the wrong sex. 

Any consequences? Arguments with my kids, daughter leaving home.

Nicky, musician and teacher