Tag: mental health

Categories
law survivor

A biological man will always be a man to me

This matters to me because I can’t bear the thought of women’s rights being taken by men who believe they are women. I don’t care what surgery they have, what hormone pills they take, what they think or how they dress, but a biological man will always be a man to me. I couldn’t bear sharing a change  room with them. I suffered domestic abuse (physical and mental abuse) and I have trust issues because of it. I have had glass smashed down my face leaving me scarred. I been punched several times and dragged from my bed by the hair while sleeping. I moved to the UK just to get away from him. He dragged me through the family court for 7 years until the court finally blocked all contact between him and my 2 sons (now adults). I’ve read the stories about trans-activists and the thought I could be attacked in a change room leaves me worried for myself and our future generation of young women.

I have expressed my views online but as a lawyer, I’d be struck off if I went public with my views. I have lost friends over the subject. I share your posts and other stories when I can.

I have lost friends and even family members have removed my from Facebook. I have quite a lot of gay and lesbian family members. They don’t all support the trans movement but those that do won’t speak to me.

TA

Categories
law

I feel completely disempowered

I can’t believe that our most fundamental rights like the right to dignity in a same sex refuge are being removed.

I speak to people I trust but can’t really speak out. I wrote to my MP. The response simply confirmed that she supports trans rights and is also a feminist. No real answers to my concerns.

I’m afraid to discuss the issue with anyone outside my home because of potential consequences at work.

I’ve been called a TERF by previous colleagues. I no longer speak about it outside my home. It just feels that the world has gone mad and it’s now somehow taboo to talk about being female a d about female experience. I feel completely disempowered.

Natalie lawyer, Civil Servant , I can’t speak publicly on this

Categories
law survivor

I will oppose any move to allow any male-born person access to female-only spaces

I care because women are still oppressed and progress will be reversed if we cannot maintain the reality of what a woman is.  Biological realities create issues for me that men generally do not face (eg I am smaller than my partner and he can physically intimidate me) and the oppression of women has affected all aspects of my life (eg I get paid less than male colleagues, have had to achieve more to be worthy of promotion, have been assumed to be uninterested in advancement, have been assumed to be a hysterical mother when my child had real health issues which were only taken seriously when my husband also spoke to the doctor). 

I think gender ideology is putting pressure on my daughter that did not exist when I was a teenager and I think it plays to a misogynist, porn-fuelled image of ‘femininity’ that increases female disadvantage and increases vulnerability to harm. 

I support human rights and would welcome genuine moves to protect individuals with any mental illness, including body dysmorphia.  However, I will oppose any move to allow any male-born person access to female-only spaces.

I started a Facebook group for friends who have daughters.  Posted and retweeted gender critical content.  Supported the Maya Forstater crowdfunder  Completed the GRA consultants and encouraged others to do so.  Donated to A Woman’s Place.  Left Lib Dems and have told them why every time they email me asking me to rejoin.

I created a separate Twitter account for my professional ‘presence’ because to be openly GC in my field would, I felt, leave me open to possible disciplinary action

KLM, 50+, multi-career, affected by infertility, sexual assault, mother of a daughter who is emerging into womanhood in a worse world than I did

Categories
Healthcare Others

I care because I want female rights protected while helping transpeople live well

I have supported crowd funding for individuals who have lost jobs because of their views. I have challenged individuals in my family and social circle who are supportive of recent trans activism

I have been accused of being discriminatory and of supporting people who will  harm the mental health of trans children in particular

B, Supporting human rights

Categories
law

The biggest issue for me is telling the truth

The biggest issue for me is telling the truth. We all know that sex is binary, and has real world consequences; but in increasingly widespread contexts, it is becoming unacceptable to say that. Forcing people to lie is a particularly objectionable form of bullying.

Privacy, consent and safety come next. An important part of the background to this is how viciously standards of modestly are policed against women and girls, and how much victim-blamimg goes on. Women are trained from infancy to be afraid of men, and to act as if any man may be a sexual predator; and to feel at fault if their efforts to keep themselves safe fail. And then  – on the whim of an obvious male wearing feminine clothing – sometimes exaggeratedly so, sometimes positively pornified  – we are expected to abandon in an instant those instincts that have been so brutally trained into us or else be labelled bigots.

The ‘only affirm’ approach to gender dysphoria, especially in young people, is also profoundly worrying. We do not affirm anorexics in their belief that their bodies are wrong; we treat the mental distress. Medical or surgical transition should be a last resort treatment for dysphoria; but that view is labelled  – in a dishonest parallel with homosexuality – as ‘conversion therapy.’  We can tell that the analogy with homosexuality is false because homosexuality requires no treatment, medical or psychiatric.

I have done all the things listed in the survey.

I haven’t had any negative consequences.

Naomi Cunningham, Employment and discrimination barrister

Categories
Healthcare Transwidows

I had the experience of finding myself married to a severely AGP man

I care deeply about this for a number of reasons. Firstly, as a survivor of early sexual abuse and extreme male violence I have lived my whole life in the shadow of experiences I have has because of my biological sex. These experiences have shaped me and in many ways they have limited me.

I will never know the woman I might have been in the absence of that pain and trauma. It offends me, even violates me to be asked to believe that ‘gender’ trumps ‘sex’.

Secondly, more than twenty years ago now, I had the experience of finding myself married to a severely AGP (autogynaephilia) man who had deceived me about his behaviour for many years of our ‘relationship’. Those years of duplicity were in no way happy ones. I experienced the full force of his gaslighting and narcissism. I just could not understand where it was coming from. I believed he was depressed and tried to support him but he deceived me on every level with web of glittering lies.

He was a man who lied for fun, a sexual predator, a sexual exhibitionist, a man who was having sex behind my back with multiple men and women across at least three counties. He had spent thousands of pounds on his obsession with ‘passing’ while telling me his businesses were failing and thus leaving me to pay the household bills. I would not wish those years of my life on my worst enemy.

Finally, as a former teacher, I care about the fact that children are being damaged not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically by this pernicious ideology. I am convinced, too, that there are aspects of this business that are directed at sexual ‘grooming’. How can I see that and not speak out?

I have spoke out as a member of the Labour Party in my CLP. I have argued face to face with male party members whom previously I had thought of as my comrades while they told me that ‘trans women are women’ and ‘if I didn’t like it’ I would have to fight for my rights all over again.  I have signed various letters and petitions relating to the Labour Party handling of this issue.

Eventually, I felt I could do no more and resigned from the Party.

I have visited, with a small group of other women, my Conservative MP, Derek Thomas,  and expressed my serious and urgent concerns face to face. I have emailed him as number of times on pertinent matters. I have spoken from the floor at a meeting in Truro and then as a member of the panel at a meeting in Plymouth.

I have been active on both Twitter and Facebook, both sharing my experiences as the wife of an AGP man and supporting others who were speaking out. I have donated to more crowd funders than I can remember  – all the ‘biggies’ – and for more than eighteen months I have been paying £5 a month to help Nic Williams continue her excellent and invaluable work. I am a member of ReSisters United and had my own meme which went out on the final day of the consultation. I have been active in local ReSisters protests eg putting Adult Human Female tee-shirts on statues. I have published poems in several online journals.

I am working on a poetry pamphlet based on my experience as an AGP wife.

I have lost friends in the real world. I have been bullied and intimidated in my home town where for a period of time my husband and I were afraid to leave home because we were being very dramatically and ostentatiously snubbed in the street.

I have been the object of snide, derogatory  and even abusive remarks at a spoken word event locally. (This has led to my withdrawal from such events which has obviously affected my work as a poet.) I have been accused online of being a liar, not only by strangers but people I know; for example, the very ‘woke’ wife of the TIM mentioned earlier.

I have been the target of cruel and very nasty comments in respect of some of the work I have had published and the editor of one journal in particular was besieged by emails demanding that my work was taken down and an apology printed. He stood his ground at the time but, interestingly, decided to ‘fold’ the journal a few weeks later. He said he could do without the hassle. I have also been attacked in a poetry workshopping group for comments – always polite – suggesting my GC views. I am writing my pamphlet because it is something I need to do for myself but I am afraid that it will never see the light of day because, apparently, some ‘lived experiences’ are ‘more equal’ than others. The impact of all these on my mental and emotional state is difficult to express. Over the past eighteen months I have become more and more introverted. The fact that ‘lockdown’ feels like a blessing to me probably says it all.

Abigail, woman, survivor, former teacher, mother, poet and bad ass crone, AbigailLaLoca

Categories
Parent

She is not being taught the boundaries that will help to keep her safe

I care that my daughter is being taught that anyone can be a woman. And that she is not being taught the boundaries that will help to keep her safe.

I have complained to my daughter’s head teacher about her being expected to change for swimming with a boy. I have posted on online forums and social media.

It causes me great anxiety and affects my mental health.

JoJag, Woman. Mother, Ireland

Categories
Education

I also worry that I am not providing evidence based care for my clients

I care about this issue because when I was 16 I experienced severe gender dysphoria. I was struggling to accept that I was a lesbian and felt forced into a relationship with a male. He abused me and over time I became completely disconnected from my body.

As a teenager I thought these feelings might mean I was trans. Thankfully I was too scared to tell anyone as I think I could have easily been put on an irreversible medical pathway if I had. The gender dysphoria resolved itself when I left the abusive relationship, reconnected with my body and allowed myself to be gay.

I worry that trauma is being misdiagnosed as being trans. I worry for young people who may be harmed by gender ideology. I was also later diagnosed as autistic – I now know this is common in teen girls with gender dysphoria.

I work in a mental health service for young people. I fear their gender dysphoria is affirmed as their true trans identity. I worry this approach is harming them.

I have raised my concerns with one close friend. She is someone I feel safe with. I have also gently tried to question some of the gender ideology at work, for example I recently had a client with gender dysphoria and I tried to mention that I felt this was connected with past trauma and socialisation. The client was worried they would be forced to transition if they attended therapy and I tried to ask colleagues if they knew of any neural therapists who would not push an affirmative model. My colleagues didn’t seem to know what I was talking about and suggested I signpost them to an LGBT organisation.

My work colleague started to talk about ‘hateful and transphobic people such as J.K.Rowling’. I was anxious that if I questioned the care for this client any further I could also get labelled as hateful and transphobic. I worry about losing my job, but I also worry that I am not providing evidence based care for my clients, though I try to offer an open minded and compassionate approach, where I don’t push any particular route or narrative onto them.

H, Trauma not Trans

Categories
Education

Very mentally unwell girls were identifying as boys and as their Biology teacher I was told I had to go along with this

I am a graduate biologist, and a science teacher in secondary schools. because I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with schools, and science being a shortage subject, I have always been able to take other jobs which I was interested in. this included working at Chiswick Women’s Aid, after which I had my first child as a single mother and became very involved in the second wave. having taken an MSc in Health Education I met one of the founders of Terrence Higgins Trust and worked as an AIDS/HIV educator for the NHS where of course I learned a lot about sexuality.

I went back into schools where I taught Biology for GCSE and A level, and spent some while teaching various subjects in FE colleges. I volunteered at a charity for street sex workers.

I eventually ended up teaching Science in an adolescent psychiatric unit. which was where the issue finally reached me as very mentally unwell girls were identifying as boys, and as their Biology teacher I was told I had to go along with this.

Luckily I was planning to retire soon anyway but that was really the catalyst, and then the JamJar happened although I wasn’t there I was firmly hooked into this cause.

I have emailed various people, met my MP (no joy there) read a huge amount, contributed to many discussions on social media particularly in my area of expertise which of course is the objective Biological reality of sex. I wrote a submission for the Oxford case (guidance now withdrawn). I have attended many events, and contributed to all the crowdfunders for legal cases. I also attend Raquel Rosario-Sanchez ‘s feminist meetings in Bristo (or did, before lockdown). I am a member of a small group affiliated to Safe Schools Alliance who are trying to get the Bristol secondary schools to look at the materials they use for PSHE, looking at their equities policies etc, and contacting two of the most worrying schools directly to ask to meet.

Stymied by Covid at the moment. luckily I have not been in danger of losing my job as I am retired. I have been shouted at in my NEU Samba Band that I have to agree TWAW, several people I know have been distinctly cooler in their reactions to me, local Labour people have accused me of being a bigot, and “knowing nothing about Biology”……

Some of my closer friends have asked me to not go on so much as I am passionate about getting the information and implications out to the public.

Alison W, Biologist, Health Educator, Teacher, Mother Grandmother

Categories
Others

I’ve sacrificed my career, my reputation and at times my sanity

I’m a lifelong feminist and trade unionist so I care deeply about the sex based rights of women and girls and our freedom to politically organise and discuss issues that impact us and our access to single sex services.

I’ve sacrificed my career, my reputation and at times my sanity. I have written blogs and vocally spoken out on social media. I have attended meetings and protests, raised in my trade union branch and discussed it with friends, family and workmates. I have completed the government’s consultation. I have sacrificed my own job by refusing to recant my views to my employer after I was reported by trans rights activists (one of them a former friend).

I lost friends and was ostracised out of two trade unions (Unison and the International Workers of the World union). The bullying I received contributed to a mental breakdown and I went off work on long term sick. I was then reported for ‘transphobia’ whilst sectioned in a mental health hospital because the stress of this issue and my employment problems triggered a manic episode.

My employer then told me they would start a formal investigation if I ever returned to work.

Paralysed with anxiety and attempting to recover from severe mental illness, my employer told me it was preparing to finish me on ‘incapability’ and pushed me to apply for early retirement at the age of 39.

My views on transgenderism were cited as evidence of bi polar disorder by my psychiatrist.

Distraught, I resigned instead and now subsist on benefits.  I have had no thanks or recognition from the feminist community for my sacrifices and I believe that prejudice against those of us who suffer from severe mental ill health is the decisive factor here. The lack of support is a major factor in my ongoing depression.I’m afraid I will never get a job again.

Sara , A socialist feminist and trade unionist