Tag: survivor

Categories
law survivor

A biological man will always be a man to me

This matters to me because I can’t bear the thought of women’s rights being taken by men who believe they are women. I don’t care what surgery they have, what hormone pills they take, what they think or how they dress, but a biological man will always be a man to me. I couldn’t bear sharing a change  room with them. I suffered domestic abuse (physical and mental abuse) and I have trust issues because of it. I have had glass smashed down my face leaving me scarred. I been punched several times and dragged from my bed by the hair while sleeping. I moved to the UK just to get away from him. He dragged me through the family court for 7 years until the court finally blocked all contact between him and my 2 sons (now adults). I’ve read the stories about trans-activists and the thought I could be attacked in a change room leaves me worried for myself and our future generation of young women.

I have expressed my views online but as a lawyer, I’d be struck off if I went public with my views. I have lost friends over the subject. I share your posts and other stories when I can.

I have lost friends and even family members have removed my from Facebook. I have quite a lot of gay and lesbian family members. They don’t all support the trans movement but those that do won’t speak to me.

TA

Categories
Healthcare Transwidows

I had the experience of finding myself married to a severely AGP man

I care deeply about this for a number of reasons. Firstly, as a survivor of early sexual abuse and extreme male violence I have lived my whole life in the shadow of experiences I have has because of my biological sex. These experiences have shaped me and in many ways they have limited me.

I will never know the woman I might have been in the absence of that pain and trauma. It offends me, even violates me to be asked to believe that ‘gender’ trumps ‘sex’.

Secondly, more than twenty years ago now, I had the experience of finding myself married to a severely AGP (autogynaephilia) man who had deceived me about his behaviour for many years of our ‘relationship’. Those years of duplicity were in no way happy ones. I experienced the full force of his gaslighting and narcissism. I just could not understand where it was coming from. I believed he was depressed and tried to support him but he deceived me on every level with web of glittering lies.

He was a man who lied for fun, a sexual predator, a sexual exhibitionist, a man who was having sex behind my back with multiple men and women across at least three counties. He had spent thousands of pounds on his obsession with ‘passing’ while telling me his businesses were failing and thus leaving me to pay the household bills. I would not wish those years of my life on my worst enemy.

Finally, as a former teacher, I care about the fact that children are being damaged not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically by this pernicious ideology. I am convinced, too, that there are aspects of this business that are directed at sexual ‘grooming’. How can I see that and not speak out?

I have spoke out as a member of the Labour Party in my CLP. I have argued face to face with male party members whom previously I had thought of as my comrades while they told me that ‘trans women are women’ and ‘if I didn’t like it’ I would have to fight for my rights all over again.  I have signed various letters and petitions relating to the Labour Party handling of this issue.

Eventually, I felt I could do no more and resigned from the Party.

I have visited, with a small group of other women, my Conservative MP, Derek Thomas,  and expressed my serious and urgent concerns face to face. I have emailed him as number of times on pertinent matters. I have spoken from the floor at a meeting in Truro and then as a member of the panel at a meeting in Plymouth.

I have been active on both Twitter and Facebook, both sharing my experiences as the wife of an AGP man and supporting others who were speaking out. I have donated to more crowd funders than I can remember  – all the ‘biggies’ – and for more than eighteen months I have been paying £5 a month to help Nic Williams continue her excellent and invaluable work. I am a member of ReSisters United and had my own meme which went out on the final day of the consultation. I have been active in local ReSisters protests eg putting Adult Human Female tee-shirts on statues. I have published poems in several online journals.

I am working on a poetry pamphlet based on my experience as an AGP wife.

I have lost friends in the real world. I have been bullied and intimidated in my home town where for a period of time my husband and I were afraid to leave home because we were being very dramatically and ostentatiously snubbed in the street.

I have been the object of snide, derogatory  and even abusive remarks at a spoken word event locally. (This has led to my withdrawal from such events which has obviously affected my work as a poet.) I have been accused online of being a liar, not only by strangers but people I know; for example, the very ‘woke’ wife of the TIM mentioned earlier.

I have been the target of cruel and very nasty comments in respect of some of the work I have had published and the editor of one journal in particular was besieged by emails demanding that my work was taken down and an apology printed. He stood his ground at the time but, interestingly, decided to ‘fold’ the journal a few weeks later. He said he could do without the hassle. I have also been attacked in a poetry workshopping group for comments – always polite – suggesting my GC views. I am writing my pamphlet because it is something I need to do for myself but I am afraid that it will never see the light of day because, apparently, some ‘lived experiences’ are ‘more equal’ than others. The impact of all these on my mental and emotional state is difficult to express. Over the past eighteen months I have become more and more introverted. The fact that ‘lockdown’ feels like a blessing to me probably says it all.

Abigail, woman, survivor, former teacher, mother, poet and bad ass crone, AbigailLaLoca

Categories
Education

I’ve been standing up for girls and women around me

This issue speaks to me because I am a woman. I care about other women and I care for young girls. I don’t want them to suffer from things that I’ve endured. I want them to be free to raise their voices and not be threatened by anyone.

I’ve been standing up for girls and women around me (and for myself). We are raised to be gentle and not care when we suffer from any type of violence and I see that as a valid reason for me to protect the ones around me.

I have been threatened multiple times. Rape, murder, spanking. Once, when I talked about a time when I was violated I had multiple men and transwomen tell me that they wanted to violate me “better” than the other man did, because it was not enough. A transman that lived in the same city that I do said he would go to my university and beat me up.

B, A survivor of male violence and defender of women, Brazil

Categories
Education

I also worry that I am not providing evidence based care for my clients

I care about this issue because when I was 16 I experienced severe gender dysphoria. I was struggling to accept that I was a lesbian and felt forced into a relationship with a male. He abused me and over time I became completely disconnected from my body.

As a teenager I thought these feelings might mean I was trans. Thankfully I was too scared to tell anyone as I think I could have easily been put on an irreversible medical pathway if I had. The gender dysphoria resolved itself when I left the abusive relationship, reconnected with my body and allowed myself to be gay.

I worry that trauma is being misdiagnosed as being trans. I worry for young people who may be harmed by gender ideology. I was also later diagnosed as autistic – I now know this is common in teen girls with gender dysphoria.

I work in a mental health service for young people. I fear their gender dysphoria is affirmed as their true trans identity. I worry this approach is harming them.

I have raised my concerns with one close friend. She is someone I feel safe with. I have also gently tried to question some of the gender ideology at work, for example I recently had a client with gender dysphoria and I tried to mention that I felt this was connected with past trauma and socialisation. The client was worried they would be forced to transition if they attended therapy and I tried to ask colleagues if they knew of any neural therapists who would not push an affirmative model. My colleagues didn’t seem to know what I was talking about and suggested I signpost them to an LGBT organisation.

My work colleague started to talk about ‘hateful and transphobic people such as J.K.Rowling’. I was anxious that if I questioned the care for this client any further I could also get labelled as hateful and transphobic. I worry about losing my job, but I also worry that I am not providing evidence based care for my clients, though I try to offer an open minded and compassionate approach, where I don’t push any particular route or narrative onto them.

H, Trauma not Trans

Categories
Others

I stepped off my career path in part because of this

Male violence has colored my whole life. Now that I finally understand that and seek to speak out on it, speaking about males and females or attributing male violence to males is “transphobic.” I am being silenced.

I’ve tried to reach out 1-1 with people. I have a sock account where I can speak freely but it’s largely an echo chamber. I still haven’t the courage to speak out publicly or from my real name.

I have lost friends. I stepped off my career path in part because of this but had I not I would have been shoved off.

Cee J, Previously exploited woman, USA

Categories
Others

A non genuinely transitioned man accessing my safe space would totally close down so many things for me

I care because I know what is is to be afraid of men. I was raped when I was 20 . When married my husband was abusive to me and later to my oldest daughter . I left him and shortly after that I was attacked outside my flat when I took my dog out for a last pee . It was attempted rape. The man got 5 years for assault with intent to ravish .

Each time the effect on me is that I cannot bear to see a man naked from the waist down. I still get a terrible fright if someone approaches me from behind and I’m very cautious in lifts , car parks , the street etc.

A non genuinely transitioned man accessing my safe space would totally close down so many things for me . Sports Changing rooms  , toilets in bars and restaurants and shops – especially if the are along long corridors / down in basements etc . The whole thing is terrifying.

My eldest daughter is a lesbian and she and her wife are very concerned about this too especially the “your a bigot / terf if you don’t want a girly dick” threats.

I have posted on Twitter and FB . Spoken up at my SNP branch meeting and posted info to the branch Whatsapp . Joined- founder member of a local women’s group for Independence . Shared info with friends. I’ve had a few insults on social media, not to my face.

M, Senior adult Post menopausal woman

Categories
survivor

I was abused from a young age by many of the men in my alcoholic mother’s life

It matters to me that men who identify as women may enter into jobs where I would be forced to accept them into my space, specifically: the care sector and nursing. I will need personal care in the future and I may be forced to accept a self ID’ing male for my personal care needs. I was abused from a young age by many of the men in my alcoholic mother’s life and I cannot allow a man to touch me in intimate areas.

I have written to my MP and MSP and received bland stock emails in return. I have funded campaigns, leafleted my local area, attended meetings, been vocal on social media, spoken to my few friends, challenged where possible.

My two best friends have told me they find it boring and nothing to do with them, leaflets I put up in the local area were defaced or removed, I’ve received abuse and been ‘limited’ on Twitter.

Doreen M, Survivor of childhood abuse

Categories
Healthcare survivor

I expect I would have either been murdered by him or killed myself if there hadn’t been a women only safe house

This matters to me because when I lived in a women’s refuge with my children, my ex partner had already injured me repeatedly and if he knew where we were he’d have done anything to get to us, I expect I would have either been murdered by him or killed myself if there hadn’t been a women only safe house because we were completely alone with nowhere else to go.

I don’t feel safe in places I can’t get out of easily with men around.

I’ve only spoken on social media and talked to a friend when I had one but she said it’s all fake news and we fell out. We are in our 50s.

I’ve talked to my daughters and grandchildren about it, my daughters, one took a while to understand then was horrified when the reality of self id was explained, the other not so long.

One of my granddaughters came home from school aged 10-11 after a boy ‘is now a girl’ and an assembly about it, unsure if she was a girl or boy but definitely both!! Who gave her the idea? Primary school, this is in East Sussex.

I’ve been called terf and insulted online but in real life just lost the friend.

woman: adult human female, I was a tomboy in the 70s & 80s. Best in the school at maths. Was told I shouldn’t be good at maths because I was a girl.

If I was a teenager now I would probably be told I was a boy and instead of struggling through puberty and being happy to be female I would have gone through a transition that wasn’t right for me.

I have followed people on twitter and ‘liked’ their posts. This week I was brave enough to share JK Rowlings post on twitter. I am worried about the career I want to develop as a novelist though, so today I have created a second twitter account so I can be more vocal about the issues and support others who are braver than me.

Siân, Adult Human Female

Categories
Others

I have been utterly ignored by all editors

This matters to me because single-sex spaces are a human right.

I have discussed the topic in private, and written polite, fact-based letters to the editor.

I have been utterly ignored by all editors. Apparently, the press isn’t interested in readers thinking for themselves and asking critical questions. (Unless they are celebrities, of course.)

Anonymous, Survivor, fed up with misogyny, Germany

Categories
Others

I find it traumatising to be adjacent to or touched by male-bodied people in situations where I feel physically vulnerable

This matters to me because I have suffered discrimination on the basis of my biological sex and need the laws written to protect me to be clear and fair. Due to my personal experiences of male violence I find it traumatising to be adjacent to or touched by male-bodied people in situations where I feel physically vulnerable e.g. getting changed in a gym or having a cervical exam.

I am adversely affected by attempts to redefine the word “woman” or “female” in law to mean self-identification with the subjective concept of a particular gender identity: I have no gender identity, nor have I been discriminated against on these grounds. People of colour are oppressed on the basis of their skin, not their ‘black identity’. Women are oppressed on the basis of our muscular disadvantage and the role we play in reproduction, not because of ‘female identity’.

I have joined other women in online groups to discuss our sex-based rights. I have always done so anonymously. I have spoken to my husband about my views.

I have been careful.

Rhea, Sexual Assault Survivor