Category: survivor

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Media and Arts survivor

He uses women’s facilities. He’s a danger to all young women and girls

I’m a woman and I care about women’s rights to privacy, safety, and definition as a class of people; female. When I was 16 I was groomed online to provide sexual favours for a 21 year old man who lives in the UK. He probably still has illegal photos of me.

For nearly eight years he made me believe that he loved me and we would live together. He lied to me to get close to me and use me, then throw me away when I stopped being useful to him, When I started asking hard questions. He gaslighted many women in the same way. He told me he treats all of his female friends the same way. I didn’t see him for the predator he is until he was out of my life.

He’s an invisible predator and right now he is still abusing young women and girls and there’s nothing I can do to stop him. He uses women’s facilities. He’s a danger to all young women and girls. There’s no justice for me, or my lost sanity. His collective lies drove me mad and nearly killed me for a time. I’m better now, but nothing can make up for what he put me through. I want predators like him barred from impersonating women. I want all of the women he meets to be warned of his guilt everywhere he goes. He is not a woman.

I mostly talk with my family, I comment and share things on social media. I sign petitions and write to government and some organizations to oppose gender identity.

I literally have no friends left, but one of them was my abuser, so good riddance.

Hanna, artist, writer

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law survivor

A biological man will always be a man to me

This matters to me because I can’t bear the thought of women’s rights being taken by men who believe they are women. I don’t care what surgery they have, what hormone pills they take, what they think or how they dress, but a biological man will always be a man to me. I couldn’t bear sharing a change  room with them. I suffered domestic abuse (physical and mental abuse) and I have trust issues because of it. I have had glass smashed down my face leaving me scarred. I been punched several times and dragged from my bed by the hair while sleeping. I moved to the UK just to get away from him. He dragged me through the family court for 7 years until the court finally blocked all contact between him and my 2 sons (now adults). I’ve read the stories about trans-activists and the thought I could be attacked in a change room leaves me worried for myself and our future generation of young women.

I have expressed my views online but as a lawyer, I’d be struck off if I went public with my views. I have lost friends over the subject. I share your posts and other stories when I can.

I have lost friends and even family members have removed my from Facebook. I have quite a lot of gay and lesbian family members. They don’t all support the trans movement but those that do won’t speak to me.

TA

Categories
law survivor

I will oppose any move to allow any male-born person access to female-only spaces

I care because women are still oppressed and progress will be reversed if we cannot maintain the reality of what a woman is.  Biological realities create issues for me that men generally do not face (eg I am smaller than my partner and he can physically intimidate me) and the oppression of women has affected all aspects of my life (eg I get paid less than male colleagues, have had to achieve more to be worthy of promotion, have been assumed to be uninterested in advancement, have been assumed to be a hysterical mother when my child had real health issues which were only taken seriously when my husband also spoke to the doctor). 

I think gender ideology is putting pressure on my daughter that did not exist when I was a teenager and I think it plays to a misogynist, porn-fuelled image of ‘femininity’ that increases female disadvantage and increases vulnerability to harm. 

I support human rights and would welcome genuine moves to protect individuals with any mental illness, including body dysmorphia.  However, I will oppose any move to allow any male-born person access to female-only spaces.

I started a Facebook group for friends who have daughters.  Posted and retweeted gender critical content.  Supported the Maya Forstater crowdfunder  Completed the GRA consultants and encouraged others to do so.  Donated to A Woman’s Place.  Left Lib Dems and have told them why every time they email me asking me to rejoin.

I created a separate Twitter account for my professional ‘presence’ because to be openly GC in my field would, I felt, leave me open to possible disciplinary action

KLM, 50+, multi-career, affected by infertility, sexual assault, mother of a daughter who is emerging into womanhood in a worse world than I did

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Lesbians survivor

I’ve gone from fully supporting gender id politics to questioning some things to questioning everything

As a Black lesbian, I’ve gone from fully supporting gender id politics to questioning some things to questioning everything. I realized how homophobic and sexist their rhetoric is, how riddled it is with contradictions and inconsistencies that I’m told I don’t have a right to question or challenge or have basic concerns about. This is not progress, it’s fascism.

After residing at a women’s refuge where men are accommodated as residents, I decided to post on social media about my general thoughts on the trans movement and more specifically about how men commit acts of violence against the women at the shelter.

I have been unfriended, disinvited from events, called terf, transphobic trash, etc. The most hurtful consequence, though,  has been the complete and utter silence of close friends.

BB, Proud Black lesbian, USA

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survivor

I was abused from a young age by many of the men in my alcoholic mother’s life

It matters to me that men who identify as women may enter into jobs where I would be forced to accept them into my space, specifically: the care sector and nursing. I will need personal care in the future and I may be forced to accept a self ID’ing male for my personal care needs. I was abused from a young age by many of the men in my alcoholic mother’s life and I cannot allow a man to touch me in intimate areas.

I have written to my MP and MSP and received bland stock emails in return. I have funded campaigns, leafleted my local area, attended meetings, been vocal on social media, spoken to my few friends, challenged where possible.

My two best friends have told me they find it boring and nothing to do with them, leaflets I put up in the local area were defaced or removed, I’ve received abuse and been ‘limited’ on Twitter.

Doreen M, Survivor of childhood abuse

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Healthcare survivor

I expect I would have either been murdered by him or killed myself if there hadn’t been a women only safe house

This matters to me because when I lived in a women’s refuge with my children, my ex partner had already injured me repeatedly and if he knew where we were he’d have done anything to get to us, I expect I would have either been murdered by him or killed myself if there hadn’t been a women only safe house because we were completely alone with nowhere else to go.

I don’t feel safe in places I can’t get out of easily with men around.

I’ve only spoken on social media and talked to a friend when I had one but she said it’s all fake news and we fell out. We are in our 50s.

I’ve talked to my daughters and grandchildren about it, my daughters, one took a while to understand then was horrified when the reality of self id was explained, the other not so long.

One of my granddaughters came home from school aged 10-11 after a boy ‘is now a girl’ and an assembly about it, unsure if she was a girl or boy but definitely both!! Who gave her the idea? Primary school, this is in East Sussex.

I’ve been called terf and insulted online but in real life just lost the friend.

woman: adult human female, I was a tomboy in the 70s & 80s. Best in the school at maths. Was told I shouldn’t be good at maths because I was a girl.

If I was a teenager now I would probably be told I was a boy and instead of struggling through puberty and being happy to be female I would have gone through a transition that wasn’t right for me.

I have followed people on twitter and ‘liked’ their posts. This week I was brave enough to share JK Rowlings post on twitter. I am worried about the career I want to develop as a novelist though, so today I have created a second twitter account so I can be more vocal about the issues and support others who are braver than me.

Siân, Adult Human Female

Categories
Healthcare survivor

It’s rape culture writ large

I care because I’ve experienced decades of male harassment and abuse so I understand fully the need for safe spaces for women and girls. I am also deeply concerned about children’s natural explorations of their world and themselves being medicalised to the extent of preventing puberty, having dangerous surgeries, and potentially shortening their lives.

Telling anyone, especially a child, that their body is wrong is incredibly cruel.

I care because women and girls have our lives so restricted and policed as it is without what few rights we do have being erased or curtailed.

I care because women of certain religious beliefs are finding their ability to participate in public life restricted by their right to privacy being eroded.

I care because women and girls who’ve been abused (and those who haven’t) are being bullied into sharing spaces with men no matter how vulnerable and/or terrified they might be by this. I care because women are being hounded, gaslit and silenced, deprived of their careers and incomes, bullied in real life as well as online.

I care because men’s rights activists and fetishists are running the trans rights campaigns and damaging not only women and girls but trans men and women too.

I care because young women are asking whether they should date a trans woman even though they don’t want to because if they don’t they’ll be bullied and harassed. And I care because gay people’s, especially lesbian women’s, rights to set boundaries in their sex lives are being eroded. It’s rape culture writ large.

I have responded to posts and shared information on social media. I have built a database of relevant articles to share to back up the women’s rights case and I follow gender critical accounts and people. I have challenged companies like M&S and organisations like HeForShe with regard to their TWAW rhetoric and associated abandoning of women’s rights. I have helped fund various campaigns to challenge the dismantling of women’s and girls’ rights. And I participated in the government’s GRA survey to stand up for women’s rights being retained while promoting additional safe spaces for trans people who need them.

I have been gaslit, bullied and blocked. I’ve also been stalked by TRAs and put on TERF lists. In real life I’m unable to work so have suffered no consequences there, while the very few people I have discussed the issues with have been understanding.

Maat, Human and animal rights activist

Categories
survivor

I was attacked by a Trans neighbour in Women’s Housing

I was attacked by a Trans neighbour in Women’s Housing.

I told people, and tweeted.

I received foul tweets.

Melissa M, Incredulous that I have to do this

Categories
survivor

I am a survivor of severe, organised abuse in childhood

First and foremost, I am a survivor of severe, organised abuse in childhood.

Secondly, I have worked for decades for women and vulnerable people, including as a human rights lawyer for victims of violence, as a writing teacher with mothers in prison and the community and in groups campaigning on consent.

Thirdly, I am a bisexual woman and was on the ‘gay scene’ for years.

Fourth, I am a parent and work often in education and concerned with safeguarding. I care deeply about this issue because whilst I think every consenting adult is free to have their own beliefs and make choices about their body, the TWAW lobby is infringing the human rights of others, with harmful implications and it is constantly threatening and seeking to close down freedom of speech.

I have spoken about this issue on social media and in real life for the past three or more years. I have written countless posts and emails and I have kept a diary on this issue to process my own thoughts before formulating my own speech in what can be a fast paced and abuse-oriented environment on social media.

I have been called a “terf” many times. I have been ostracized by a group of women campaigning with me on abortion rights (though remained good friends with others). On social media I have been told directly that I am “fascist scum” or I have been patronized as an abuse survivor who is somehow biased, disregarding my qualifications as a human rights lawyer and background supporting people. Other negative consequences include the mental health toll of constantly being “gaslit” implying that I am the person in the wrong. A tactic used by those who want to reframe reality the world over and I know that, yet still so sad and wearing!

Anna Morvern, Writer, speaker, teacheryer, translator

Categories
survivor

I honestly start to cry when I realise that Stonewall are callous enough to want to take that away

After I did the Freedom Programme I noticed that I had a sort of bodily trauma response if I couldn’t control my boundaries around unfamiliar men.  Even at the door of my own house.

 Actually that experience had always been there, but I hadn’t recognised it before.  I have trans people in my life and I read them as trans people – there’s a mix of male and female characteristics there – so I get that response less but it’s still there. 

When I started to  understand what Stonewall are doing I was horrified.  Firstly, there absolutely must still be single sex services for domestic abuse victims. I honestly start to cry when I realise that Stonewall are callous enough to want to take that away.  That is nothing to how I felt when I read the Stronger Together guidance endorsed by Scottish Women’s Aid that advises actively gaslighting women who are victims of domestic abuse. 

I needed a safe space full of women to discuss and process what happened to me, and I’m so grateful to my local Women’s Aid for doing that. 

My mother in particular kept pressuring me to center the needs of my abusive husband, and it was really hard to hold my own reality.  I clung to anyone who would let me have my own reality.  Here are Scottish Women’s Aid, signing up to taking women’s reality away.  They could have said, no we won’t use our position of power to deny women’s reality or diminish the importance of their feelings about that. 

Secondly, I saw that Stonewall want to remove any safeguards from obtaining a GRC, and that this would mean male presenting male people in women’s spaces.  I can probably work with male people who have actually transitioned in public toilets.  I can possibly work with male people who have actually transitioned and are very very careful in public changing rooms.  I am willing to do that for people diagnosed with gender dysphoria.   Self ID proposes that any male presenting as male can use any women’s space without being careful, and I can’t work with that.

I have completed consultations in long rambling ways, trying to put in as much as possible.  I have spoken to people who I believe to be open to different points of view.  I have a Conservative MP, and there is the one advantage to having a Conservative MP that she actually might be receptive to this.  I am afraid I am a bit late to the party, as it’s only in the last couple of years that I’ve really been aware of this stuff and capable of actually doing anything, because I was very overwhelmed by the domestic abuse.

I’ve experienced the general of being called a TERF.  The term TERF means “woman against whom it is acceptable to perpetrate misogynistic abuse and violence”.  It’s distressing for any woman to be called that.  It does trigger something particular for me.  Especially when women use it and give validity to the idea that it can be legitimate to perpetrate misogynistic abuse.  Especially when women argue that we must accept or ignore the misogynistic abuse because of the terrible suffering of trans people. 

My mother said to me, “you might have to put up with a bit of abuse”.  That is essentially what liberal feminists are saying when they use the term TERF.  It just makes me feel trapped again with no refuge.

As an only parent, I don’t get to participate in public life very much.  I can only really go places where my son can come as well.  The only other place I could speak up is work, and I work for a local branch of a national charity that is fairly woke.  In any event the issue doesn’t really come up very often in the rural part of the country where I live. 

Kimberly