Categories
Healthcare survivor

There is a special bond that forms between women in the absence of men

My adult life has been marred by bullying, invariably by men, especially those in positions of power, but also from those with whom I was intimate.

I experienced verbal and psychological abuse from my husband, directed at me and my children. I was fortunate to be directed to my local DV shelter by a friend. We did not have to move in, but received help from the wonderful women who worked there.

As I age, I find more and more relief in the company of women. There is a special bond that forms between women in the absence of men. The space feels safer and warmer, and women respond differently to one another when not subjected to the male gaze.

That women who need single-sex spaces for recovery can have that taken from them by the insistence by men who claim to be are women is almost impossibly painful. Those spaces have been set up by women, for women. I feel so angry when men demand the right to enter.

I have responded online to consultations, written to MPs and MSPs. I have donated online to campaign for women’s rights. I have spoken out on social media, using my own name, despite threats of violence, and to my career.

Until last year, I was tied up in an unhappy marriage and too unwell to travel. Now coronavirus is interfering with my freedom, but I hope to join up with other women in the near future, either to meet with  ReSisters group, or attend an organised meeting.

I have received public threats on Twitter, both of physical harm and threats to my career, one of which was a credible threat to report me to the governing body of my profession, which fortunately was not carried through.

I am fortunate to have lived in a place where I was physically out of reach for physical threats or UK police reports and therefore I have felt able to speak more freely than otherwise.

Sarah, 50ish human female

Categories
Lesbians survivor

I keep telling them that they are allowed to refuse care that makes them discomfortable

My family consists of my sister, my mother and my grandmother. I have no living male relatives. I am a lesbian who has been sexually assaulted, my mother has been harrassed, my sister and grandmother have been raped, my girlfriend has been raped. My sister has mental and physical disabilities and needs professional support, so does my grandmother.

I want to stand up for their right and my right to places that are free of male people, I want to stand up for their right and my right to refuse being treated or cared for by a male-bodied person, without fear of being accused of unjustified discrimination or gaslit into “embracing their discomfort” and accept a male person as female.

My sister also has a schizophrenia, she relies on strong medication to maintain a grasp of reality and live a mostly independent life. Messing with her knowledge and perception of reality, particularly with regard to the demographic that deeply traumatized her body and mind, may threaten her mental health and independence.

I do not fight for or against trans people, I fight for acknowledgement of reality on which legislation can be based that includes safeguards and exceptions to protect the weak and those who cannot fight for themselves or have trouble articulating and defending their needs.

I am following the debate and arguments in social and mainstream media. I do not live in an anglophone country, but the issue is arriving here, too, and I’m getting ready to engage those parties involved in the legislative process. I monitor guidelines at the institutions that provide care for my loved ones and I keep telling them that they are allowed to refuse care that makes them discomfortable.

Some friends from an LGBTQ friendly hobby group have cut themselves off.

Anna V, middle aged woman working in IT, Germany

Categories
survivor

I’m a victim of male physical and sexual violence

It matters to me because I’m worried about female safety in female spaces. And general comfort. I’m a victim of male physical and sexual violence, triggered by men in spaces where I’m vulnerable. I’m worried about erasure of woman using “gender neutral” language.

I’ve liked tweets, signed petitions.

I’ve experienced tension in whatsapp groups.

Hannah A, private sector

Categories
Parent Private sector survivor

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs

This matters to me because I am a 40 year old mother of a 4 year old daughter. I have been sexually assaulted (police involved) at my place at work as a steward at a premier league football club. I took it in my stride but my wonderful male supervisor witnessed it and had to remind me that it was unacceptable and called the police for me (I was conditioned to accept groping/casual sexual assault).

Beaten by a boyfriend between the ages of 16 and 19. Been called frigid/loose as a school girl by school boys. Flashed 3 times as a teenager, the third time the male adult masturbated in front of me. Received comments about my body/appearance constantly since teenage years. Sexually assaulted on a train at night, reported to police the next day, nothing they could do.

Most of this took place in PUBLIC! Fuck inviting this to a private (previously) safe space where nudity is involved.

I am an HR Manager and have supported a male colleague through transition. He subsequently gaslighted me and started using the female toilet 24 hours after becoming a trans woman, in the flick of a switch.

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs. I ended up triggered and in counselling and uncomfortable to now use the shared toilets.  I don’t want this shit for my daughter. I DON’T WANT THIS SHIT FOR ANYONE!

I’ve followed feminists and dipped my toe in the water by asking Jon Ronson exactly what he felt that Graham Linehan had done wrong. Got threatened, terfed and gaslit. I am now prepared to level up!

I have also been berated and hated on by my woke sister, who in fact in her youth, witnessed me being beaten by my then boyfriend on more than one occasion. 😦

Owning womanhood for the first time in my life, anakindrytalker

Categories
survivor

My mother & sister were sexually assaulted

I care because my mother & sister were sexually assaulted. I have sympathy with those with dysphoria who’ve had sex reassignment but I do not trust men. They will abuse self-ID. The numbers of women who’ve been sexually assaulted by men is a warning that’s being ignored.

I have expressed myself online, despite fear of violence against me for doing so.

I believe I would be sacked from my job if my views were known.

Pear Trio, Lifelong LGBT member & supporter till all this abuse of women., Three Pears

Categories
Students survivor

My life so far has been defined by abuse

I am twenty years old, and my life so far has been defined by abuse. I endured childhood rapes, intimate partner violence, and PTSD in addition to all the abuse that typically comes from being a woman. Nonetheless, I was strong and made it to where I am today. When I was raped in my first year of college, my friend group turned its back on me.

My anger was “an overreaction,” my best friend started dating my rapist, and male friends would tell me I was “slut-shaming” her by being upset.

Already, men were using woke language to silence me. Later, the same man who accused me of slut-shaming and over-reacting came out as non-binary, and suddenly I was the privileged one, and the poor little rich boy was oppressed.

My school is incredibly liberal. Most students support “sex work”, BDSM, and gender self-ID. Those of us who’ve been affected by these institutions keep our mouths shut.

Young men are always stepping up to tell me who I should feel comfortable changing in front of, what my period means, what defines my womanhood, and how I should feel about sexual violence. I say no.

I am a woman because I have XX chromosomes and uterus. The world has treated me a certain way because of it, and that matters to me.

I am afraid. I do not have a lot of money or power in the world. I have spoken with my friends and family. But I am not open or public about my views.

The same people (former friends) who trivialized and mansplained my rape accussed me of “transphobia” and “hating non binary people” and attacked me on facebook. I was forced to come out with all the details of what happened to me to clear my name.

Mick, Woman born a woman

Categories
Students survivor trans familiy

Now I’m going to try and be as strong again

My ex had autogynophilic tendencies and used this as part of decades of domestic abuse including sexual.   After being told that he was most likely a malignant narcissist with psychopathic tendencies i started to see parallels with  TRA attacks that I’d started to see happen.

He had enforced language changed etc from very early on in the relationship. and I was loving and accommodating and realised how easy it would have been for me.to be a trans widow.

Additionally I saw 2 young women transition after   bullying/sexual assault and they seemed like classic ROGD  and the thought of them probaby desisting after being blithely transed and irreparably altered  horrified me.

I have  spoken to.people irl (in real life) ,  started speaking up online,  gone to a demo, started being more active in feminist circles.

I’ve been considered hateful.  I’ve feared being too visible as I am still.a cptsd sufferer dealing with years of traumatic sexual and other abuse but I’ve  been more  brave since jk Rowling’s first tweets.  I’ve started liking things. and today I have been retweeting and liking loads of things.  Before the abuse I was a whistle blower and stood up for others and now I’m going to try and be as strong again.

Marina, I stand with JK Rowling

Categories
Academics and researchers Healthcare Parent survivor

I am concerned that my gender non-conforming son will grow to hate his beautiful healthy body

I, like too many women, have experienced grooming, rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence and am fearful of allowing men into women’s spaces.

I am concerned that my gender non-conforming son will grow to hate his beautiful healthy body because of the narrative that gender trumps sex.

I have created anonymous social media accounts to voice my concerns and engage in discussion. I have discussed with my children their right to retain their own spaces and their right to express themselves (i.e. their gender) in any way they choose without this altering their sex. I have contacted my children’s schools to discuss their policy re self identifying students.

I felt compelled to step down from an important task force at work re women in STEM when headed by self-ID trans woman and no opportunity or environment for objection.

I have lost friends and been ostracised from left wing, feminist, and social justice groups of which I was previously an active member. I have had to develop new and anonymous social media accounts because changes in work policy have made clear that I will lose my job for refusing to share women’s only spaces i.e. toilets with trans women.

L C, PhD in STEM (medical sciences)

Categories
children of trans parents Healthcare survivor

My biggest struggle has been explaining to my 3-year old daughter where grandad has gone and why she had to become gran

I care because human rights are important for everyone. It has become very personal as I now have a daughter, my dad recently identified as trans, I work in mental health which includes young people who identify as trans and females who have been victims of male violence. All of these people have rights – how do we balance them and not sacrifice one excessively for the sake of another group?

I care because I am part of the me too generation. Because I was so socialised to gender roles I allowed my ex to convince me it wasn’t rape. This socialising started before I even recognised my own gender. There has to be a space to think about this – but that space seems to be disappearing. Trans women do experience misogyny but do they have the same internalised misogyny from early childhood? This is not to diminish the massive internalised stigma and dysphoria that they experience – but these are different experiences.

I have discussed with people I trust. I have tried to educate myself – understanding all sides of the argument.

My biggest struggle has been explaining to my 3-year old daughter where grandad has gone and why she had to become gran. All books written for that age group on the topic refer to boys not liking pink (or similar) which goes against everything I try to teach her!

I have occasionally made attempts to discuss aspects at work.

I have been aggressively challenged when reflecting on my feelings about my personal situation (apparently it is not ok for me to have any difficult feelings about my dad identifying as trans – I am 41). I have been accused of misgendering by referring to her as “dad” (this was something I discussed with her and agreed I would do.

I feel this is a hugely important topic but do not dare raise it as the trans lobby is so powerful I worry I would be putting my professional registration at risk. One trans person raising concerns could be all it would take. Even though my experience would suggest most trans people would not share the view that my attempts to balance all needs are transphobic.

D.R., Mental health worker

Categories
Healthcare Parent survivor

It took me a long time to find my voice and now that I’m supporting my daughter to find hers, we will not be silenced.

This matters to me because I’m not about to have a lifetime of sex based oppression, violence and sexual assaults brushed aside to appease anyone. It took me a long time to find my voice and now that I’m supporting my daughter to find hers, we will not be silenced.

I have spoken out online and within friendship groups, joined activist groups, written to MSPs and spoken to social services and my children’s schools.

I have been threatened with sexual and physical violence online as have my family members, one of which is a child, due to speaking up. I’ve had milk thrown at me by a man when delivering leaflets. I’ve been kicked from online and real life LGBT groups. I have also been kicked from many other ‘support’ groups like ones for autistic people and ones for women to uplift other women and a group for women fighting female cancers.

I permanently lost my twitter account for ‘hateful conduct’ because I differentiated between sex and gender. I’ve been marked red on an chrome extension called shinigami eyes which causes people to attack me online for being ‘transphobic’ even when I’m commenting on things not related to gender like my pet rat group.

Ealasaid