Healthcare Transwidows

I had the experience of finding myself married to a severely AGP man

I care deeply about this for a number of reasons. Firstly, as a survivor of early sexual abuse and extreme male violence I have lived my whole life in the shadow of experiences I have has because of my biological sex. These experiences have shaped me and in many ways they have limited me.

I will never know the woman I might have been in the absence of that pain and trauma. It offends me, even violates me to be asked to believe that ‘gender’ trumps ‘sex’.

Secondly, more than twenty years ago now, I had the experience of finding myself married to a severely AGP (autogynaephilia) man who had deceived me about his behaviour for many years of our ‘relationship’. Those years of duplicity were in no way happy ones. I experienced the full force of his gaslighting and narcissism. I just could not understand where it was coming from. I believed he was depressed and tried to support him but he deceived me on every level with web of glittering lies.

He was a man who lied for fun, a sexual predator, a sexual exhibitionist, a man who was having sex behind my back with multiple men and women across at least three counties. He had spent thousands of pounds on his obsession with ‘passing’ while telling me his businesses were failing and thus leaving me to pay the household bills. I would not wish those years of my life on my worst enemy.

Finally, as a former teacher, I care about the fact that children are being damaged not only physically but also emotionally and psychologically by this pernicious ideology. I am convinced, too, that there are aspects of this business that are directed at sexual ‘grooming’. How can I see that and not speak out?

I have spoke out as a member of the Labour Party in my CLP. I have argued face to face with male party members whom previously I had thought of as my comrades while they told me that ‘trans women are women’ and ‘if I didn’t like it’ I would have to fight for my rights all over again.  I have signed various letters and petitions relating to the Labour Party handling of this issue.

Eventually, I felt I could do no more and resigned from the Party.

I have visited, with a small group of other women, my Conservative MP, Derek Thomas,  and expressed my serious and urgent concerns face to face. I have emailed him as number of times on pertinent matters. I have spoken from the floor at a meeting in Truro and then as a member of the panel at a meeting in Plymouth.

I have been active on both Twitter and Facebook, both sharing my experiences as the wife of an AGP man and supporting others who were speaking out. I have donated to more crowd funders than I can remember  – all the ‘biggies’ – and for more than eighteen months I have been paying £5 a month to help Nic Williams continue her excellent and invaluable work. I am a member of ReSisters United and had my own meme which went out on the final day of the consultation. I have been active in local ReSisters protests eg putting Adult Human Female tee-shirts on statues. I have published poems in several online journals.

I am working on a poetry pamphlet based on my experience as an AGP wife.

I have lost friends in the real world. I have been bullied and intimidated in my home town where for a period of time my husband and I were afraid to leave home because we were being very dramatically and ostentatiously snubbed in the street.

I have been the object of snide, derogatory  and even abusive remarks at a spoken word event locally. (This has led to my withdrawal from such events which has obviously affected my work as a poet.) I have been accused online of being a liar, not only by strangers but people I know; for example, the very ‘woke’ wife of the TIM mentioned earlier.

I have been the target of cruel and very nasty comments in respect of some of the work I have had published and the editor of one journal in particular was besieged by emails demanding that my work was taken down and an apology printed. He stood his ground at the time but, interestingly, decided to ‘fold’ the journal a few weeks later. He said he could do without the hassle. I have also been attacked in a poetry workshopping group for comments – always polite – suggesting my GC views. I am writing my pamphlet because it is something I need to do for myself but I am afraid that it will never see the light of day because, apparently, some ‘lived experiences’ are ‘more equal’ than others. The impact of all these on my mental and emotional state is difficult to express. Over the past eighteen months I have become more and more introverted. The fact that ‘lockdown’ feels like a blessing to me probably says it all.

Abigail, woman, survivor, former teacher, mother, poet and bad ass crone, AbigailLaLoca


I cannot remember an attack on women like this

I care because I am a lesbian and as such I have supported and contributed to Stonewall campaigns over the years. I am appalled and astounded by both the decisions made and the behaviour demonstrated by Ruth Hunt and her cronies and the terrible way in which this has impacted on women – lesbians in particular. I feel utterly and truly shafted by Ruth Hunt, Stonewall and The Labour Party – particular the soggy shower of female MPs we currently see before us. I have actively subsequently supported AWP, SFW, MMN and all if the various groups who have fought against the GR Act. 

I’ve spoken socially and professionally, posted on social media, attended meetings and actions and donated money

I have been a radical feminist for 45 years and I cannot remember an attack on women like this. As a result of my views I have been abused on social media to the point of feeling depressed, called a Terf many times and not often supported by friends, colleagues and even family, who will privately pledge support but are too scared to speak out. I am not in London and feel generally vulnerable as I have no outspoken like minded supporters where I do live. This is why the GC meetings and actions were so important to me when I could get to them. I will continue to fight this nonsense for my daughter and all the women who come after me ✊🏼

Maggie Moon , Radical lesbian feminist, activist and gobshite

Healthcare Others

I struggled with my discomfort and thought I was being intolerant and bigoted

I care because I’m a woman and a lesbian. After the T crept onto the end of LGB, I struggled with my discomfort and thought I was being intolerant and bigoted, but thankfully radical feminism and attendance at a meeting of WPUK in Sheffield, where I heard Michele Moore speak with passion and compassion, changed all that.

I care because definitions matter. Sex matters. Being same SEX attracted matters. I care because gender needs to be eradicated as far as possible, not cemented in an ideology that constrains us all and forces us into rigid stereotyped roles. I care because adolescence is hard enough, but telling children their discomfort is because they’ve been born in the wrong body is homophobic at root and conversion therapy at worse.

Many of my friends, including my partner, would have been ‘transed’ as teenagers if they’d grown up now. I care because women’s oppression is because of our sexed bodies and it’s not something we can identify out of.

I’ve attended WPUK meetings, spoke about the Labour Women’s Declaration at the meeting in Leeds in November 2019 and I attended the WPUK conference last October. I have leafleted for Women’s Place UK. I spoke to a small and partially very hostile local Labour Party women’s forum on this issue. I have raised the issue at a Labour Party-run Women’s Development Programme.

I have peak transed a number of friends who thought they supported self ID through discussion and argument, in real life and online.

I am a founder member of Labour Women’s Declaration and remain part of that working group, writing social media posts as part of that group and on my own Twitter and FB accounts in order to raise awareness and share information.

I have met with my local MP about the GRA reforms and written to government ministers, the Labour leadership and other bodies about this issue. I’m part of a local Resisters group; we petitioned our local council and spoke at a council meeting about same sex facilities. I attended a Resisters residential gathering in September 2019, and am a member of a number of secret online forums. I am part of my local feminist network and am setting up a local group of gender critical women in the Labour Party across my city to support getting motions through CLPs (on hold currently because of Covid 19). I have had face-to-face discussions with someone I know who moderates a national Labour Party forum about ‘my problem with trans women’ but whose mind I have yet to change.

I’ve had tweets reported to and removed from Twitter and for which I’ve refused to apologise, so have had to serve out my suspended sentence. I’ve had posts either not shared or removed from national Labour Party forums with no explanation, and I’ve got into protracted arguments with trans activists on Twitter and FB on this issue, including Morgan Oger. But the worst consequence was a spat within my local CLP FB Forum on which a local Labour Councillor less than half my age (who consequently signed the Trans Labour Pledge) told me to f*ck off out of the LP, called me a transphobe and a bigot, set her mum and her partner on me and the result was that I left the forum and I no longer engage at all with local LP politics; I put what energies I have into the national LWD campaign because I am frightened of this becoming too personal. I admire those women who do put themselves out there locally and receive a great deal of trouble for their trouble.

Flabuless, a socialist realist, I worked in higher education for most of my working life and lament the ‘safe space’ it has become in order that no one’s feelings get hurt or brains get challenged

Healthcare Public Sector

I quickly realised it was largely abuse survivors and women worried about their children speaking up

It was, in the first instance a bullying issue for me. I was a Labour Party officer, responsible for membership in our CLP and was appalled at the way a small local group were being allowed to mistreat and slander women.

When I started talking to people, I very quickly realised that it was largely abuse survivors and women worried about their children who were speaking up and in both cases, they seriously needed back up. I was a ‘known terf’ by then and thought ‘oh well, I’m out there – may as well get on with it.’

I have written blog posts, and articles for newspapers.

 I have attended planning groups for women’s organisations, and spoken at a WPUK meeting.

I spent as much time as I could spare visiting women’s groups in different areas, and having one-to-one meetings with people I felt could use more support and/or had something to teach me about the issues involved.

I did try to put a motion through my local Labour Party but, after my branch passed it almost unanimously, the LP withdrew it as ‘controversial’ after a man had a tantrum in another branch.

I have been extensively slandered on social media and in my home town – bizarrely, this has had positive consequences as well as negative ones – a colleague and I organised a WPUK meeting in my town which was an enormous positive overall, but led to members of the local Pride group sending slanderous letters about us to the council and to any venue in town they could think of so, I’m self-employed, and have probably lost business through being ‘controversial’ and have certainly suffered a lot of stress.

I was turned down by the local Labour Party as a council candidate. The stated reason was that there was a complaint about me in process but, when I went to an appeal hearing, the reason given was they didn’t like my blog.

Did I lose friends? Not really – losing false friends leads to finding new and more interesting ones.

Kay Green, socialist feminist, former Labour Party officer


Women are having their words, their spaces, their privacy and their dignity ripped from them by men

I care because women are having their words, their spaces, their privacy and their dignity ripped from them by men.

I have written to my MP twice (no reply).  I have contributed to many crowdfunders.  I have made my prioritisation of women’s rights clear at my workplace.  

I had a Labour Party canvasser at my doorstep tell me he didn’t want votes from ‘’women like me’ when I explained my concerns.  

Charlotte, Woman

Healthcare Others

I feel excluded from forums that previously welcomed me

As an old rad feminist I’m genuinely frightened by what’s happening. This is the biggest attack on women’s rights since we first gained them; it’s a huge safeguarding issue; it’s directly linked to the rise of misogyny, to the pornification of society.

I’ve joined public and private GC women’s groups, supported others through crowdfunders, with advice and on line, written to my (Labour) MP and met with them (to no avail), made FoI requests of our devolved government about a lack of an EA in their trans policy (no joy), leafleted the Welsh Labour Party conference, talked to friends and family to try to raise awareness.

I became a member of our Children’s Commissioner’s advisory group but have yet to find a way to have the necessary face-to-face discussions. Mainly personal stress/distress at the lack of political concern/interest (at best) and outright hostility at worst. I am involved in social justice / community-building initiatives and had an excellent relationship with local politicians. This has come to an end, undermining my capacity to make a positive difference. I feel excluded from forums that previously welcomed me.

Vanessa, old, tired, disenfranchised but still fighting


She reported me to Labour HQ

Female sex based rights are fundamental to our safety.

I argued with a Labour member on my local Labour CLP FB page that men can’t change sex.

She reported me to Labour HQ and 12 hours later I got a letter telling threatening me with disciplinary for not adhering to the Party policy.

It was covered in the Telegraph paper under “Labour member threatened for not believing men can change sex”.

Janey Hutton, Labour can fuck themselves

Healthcare Others

I have a niece who insists everyone refer to them as “they” and they want to get a double mastectomy- they are 17

I care about this issue because gender ideology seems so obviously harmful, with more children and young adults wishing to become permanently medicalized and feeling they have to change their name simply because they don’t want to confirm to rigid sexist stereotypes.

I have a niece who insists everyone refer to them as “they” and they want to get a double mastectomy – they are 17. Other than that, they remind me so much of virtually all of my friends when I was 17. Edgy, into the latest cool look, playing around with image, being provocative in all sorts of ways. The most we did was tattoos, piercings and food-colouring hair.

Double mastectomy?? New name?? Abusing people for using normal pronouns? It’s like a generation has no new ways left to be shocking and this is it.

Ultimately, I care about protecting women’s spaces from this absurdity.

I’ve donated a lot to crowdfunders who aim to protect women’s spaces. Donated to to eg yours Maya, Posie Parker’s, Jennifer James… Many more, but I mentioned JJ because I remember the Labour keep All Women Shortlists female Only campaign was a turning point for me.

Women are excluded from politics, not because they stick some lippy on, but because they are of the sex who fall pregnant, and everything that comes with that.

Unfortunately the JJ campaign seems to be completely stuck in the mud, but that’s where trying to come up against the Labour Party will get you I suppose.

I have replied to more petitions than I can list here.

I have tentatively raised concerns (WRT women’s spaces) with friends and have, to my relief, found many agree with me. My brother is too woke at the moment, but my Dad has been diamond.

Well, my brother said I was “like a racist” because I thought Transwomen shouldn’t be in women’s sports or prisons, and appears to have typecasted me as a bigot, despite myself being very lefty and liberal, so our relationship has soured a bit.

I got “ghosted” by a Canadian friend who works at the BBC, after I stated I wasn’t 101% supportive of R McKinnon (winning women’s world records). I actually thought they might be different.

I haven’t raised the issue with my child’s school or at work at all. I know how risky it can be.

Ophelia Forte, Mum, feminist, gender free


If we don’t have a word for ourselves then we can’t protect our rights

This matters to me because it is a massive women’s rights issue. It is important for women’s safety, privacy, women’s sports, and women’s rights in general, because if we don’t have a word for ourselves then we can’t protect our rights.

I was very active anonymously on Twitter (before getting permanently banned for referring to a male paedophile as “he” and saying women don’t have penises and other such “hateful conduct”). I have attended local feminist meetings on the subject. I have delicately broached the subject with a couple of friends, but not as forcefully as I would like (I am afraid of being branded a transphobic before being given a chance to say my piece).

I have spoken openly in local and national Labour Party Facebook groups but I haven’t said anything publicly on my own Facebook page as I am afraid of the reaction from a few friends (even though I am certain the vast majority of people would agree with me once they have heard the full story, as I’ve said, I’m worried that one or two of them could write me off before giving me a chance to explain my view).

I was suspended several times from Twitter before being permanently suspended (for such heinous crimes as referring to a male paedophile as “he” or saying women don’t have penises). I have had minor arguments with friends (which has put me off talking to any other friends).

Amy S, 31, Bristol


I am opposed to bullying, aggression, gaslighting, hatred and purposeful disruption to democratic processes

Truth matters and the material truth is that males and females differ. Women live in a male-dominated society and are oppressed as such. I care about women in general and my daughter’s future, in particular. I am concerned about the impact of certain ideologies including Queer theory on civil society and the maintenance and progress of equal respect for women in society.

I am opposed to bullying, aggression, gaslighting, hatred and purposeful disruption to democratic processes, all of which I have experienced from people advocating against women’s rights under the guise of other causes. A tolerant society has rules and boundaries for the protection of all, it also necessarily has norms and doesn’t deny female people their fundamental human rights to avoid offending a minority.

I have spoken out in the Labour Party locally and nationally and have written to my daughter’s school. I have commented on surveys and consultations and anonymously on social media. I also discuss my concerns with people face to face when I get the opportunity to do so.

I have been smeared, voted out of positions and bullied within the Labour Party and other activism. This has sapped my energy and curtailed my actions. I was dismissed and treated like a “difficult parent” by the school. I have felt fearful and threatened in meetings and other situations. I feel silenced and stigmatised for my belief in the material reality of sexed bodies and that female people are human beings with equal rights.

Anon, Female, daughter, mother