Tag: single sex spaces

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Using public toilets already carries enough embarrassment and shame

I have a medical condition that makes my periods extremely heavy – it’s not uncommon for me to faint from menstruation-induced anaemia, or to sit on a toilet, weeping and free-bleeding for half an hour, building the resolve to attempt to deal with it. When I’m on, I live in a constant state of anxiety that I’ll bleed on clothes or furniture and everyone will see it. Using public toilets already carries enough embarrassment and shame, without adding the fear that the people hearing me rustle in cubicles, or seeing me wash blood from my hands, or using the toilet I’ve just had to makeshift clean, are male.

And I’m angry at the suggestion that my experience is somehow random, that it has nothing to do with being a woman, and the stigma around it is unconnected to it being a female experience. And it pisses me off that there are people who believe that I shouldn’t talk about my condition because periods are a ‘cis privilege’. It makes my stupid inconvenient blood boil.

I challenge inaccurate or illogical statements wherever I find them. I’m anonymous on Twitter and feel bad about it. Using a fake name and no picture saves me from the worst of the backlash that lots of women receive. I just don’t have the energy to deal with the hate from all sides that seems to come with a woman expressing even fairly innoccuous opinions. I live alone and on only my own salary, so when I see people being doxxed or their jobs threatened, it terrifies me and makes me feel incapable of revealing anything about myself. I’m not very important so maybe I’d fly under the radar, but it’s scary.

I engage in the discussion in real life, though, and on Facebook under my own name with people I know.

Where I’m anonymous on social media, it’s just name-calling (TERF, bitch, Nazi, cunt etc.) and vitriol like “die in a fire”. Nowhere near as bad as the non-anon people, but still pretty horrible.

I’ve lost a few acquaintances, been unfriended on Facebook, had people I otherwise get on with really well question my left wing / liberal credentials, express disappointment, refuse to have any conversation about it.

Lkh, Woman. You know what that is

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Others

I was terrified by the thought of periods

I had a number of moments in my childhood where I didn’t want to be female. I dreaded losing my flat chest, I was terrified by the thought of periods and if I had known I could  opt out, I would have done. I didn’t and now I am glad that this option wasn’t available when I was 10-15 years old.

I realise now that it wasn’t that I wanted to be a man, I just didn’t want to be seen as ‘less than’ or as a sexual object. I was never a girly girl  – i never liked labels, and always hated that being female meant that I wasn’t allowed to do woodwork or computer studies amongst many, many other things.

I have observed both sides of this debate very closely over the past few years and I have always fought openly against discrimination of any kind. Both sides have offensive representatives, but the more it has gone on, the more disturbing I am finding the sheer amount of people that shout TERF when someone is being inquisitive.

All my life I have fought against the old fashioned view that being a woman is about liking pink and wearing make up.

I believe that transgender women and men should have rights and support  and should never be subjected to abuse.

I also believe that transgender women should be able to use women’s toilets, but I feel very very uncomfortable with the ‘self id’ element that I see – where trans women have no intention to transition.

Most women I know have experienced some sort of sexual assault, and toilets always felt like safe places. My feeling is that toilets and female prisons are places that should never legally be allowed to be used by predators.

In terms of athletics, it is simply unacceptable that trans women are taking away women’s achievements.

I would love to discuss this more openly, but I have seen what happens when people ask questions and this whole thing is alienating me. I haven’t dared to.

I have been blocked by people on Twitter for following some gender critical people as well trans activists.

KM

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Private sector

I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman

I care because I am a WOMAN. This is not something I chose, I just am. As a child I was not feminine, I resisted dresses and prettiness, these days i would likely be told i was a boy. The sports I love are in danger of being invalidated because some men and boys “feel” like they are women. They are not, they can dress how they want but they are not and never will be women. I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman, I have been insulted because I am a woman. Women and girls must have single sex protections from men.

On a recent article on a work webpage, someone said anyone who didn’t agree that TWAW were TERFs. For the first time I made a comment with my real name, and said it was a term being used to silence and shame women on social media etc. I will admit I was scared to do it, interestingly the person who used the term never came back to comment. It now feels like I will have a mark against my name for speaking out, but I will have to wait and see. Don’t know yet, waiting to see if I get a call from HR to book me onto a diversity course.

Em, An adult human female

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Healthcare Others

That much of this bile comes from people I’m usually politically aligned with saddens me

I’ve had a long-standing interest in women’s rights because my mother was a staunch advocate for women and active locally in helping those in difficulty. I saw a lot of this while growing up and it had a profound influence on me. To see women now being dismissed as hateful bigots for wanting to protect their hard-won rights and protections is deeply troubling to me and that much of this bile comes from people I’m usually politically aligned with saddens me.

I discuss it with friends and family and I post on social media but aside from that I haven’t attended and organised meetings or anything of that nature.

One of the perks of being entirely unsuccessful career-wise is that nobody where I work could care less about my opinions.

I’ve had a frank discussion with one of my very dearest female friends whose stepson is now identifying as a woman. I was nervous about talking this through with her but in the end she was very receptive to what I said and we remain friends.

A scared feminist mother, I care because the fight for women’s rights has been brutal and hard and we are not there yet. The GRA / Trans movement is stripping away what we have fought for. We need safe spaces for women, and we need to acknowledge that sex is a protected characteristic. I am terrified for all women in hospitals, prisons, shelters, public toilets etc who may find themselves next to a biological man – regardless of whether that man is predatory. I’m scared for my children, and all the children out there being told that because they don’t like pink and barbies maybe they are actually a boy, and perhaps they would like hormone suppressants? Fuck.

Unfortunately I have done nothing… I have only spoken with my mum and sister about this. And please know, I have spent my adult life being vocal on important and challenging topics, attending rallies, encouraging education and conversation. But this feels different. I feel in danger to speak up due to how toxic the conversation is, how easily people are fired and targeted personally. Just walking past the protesters at the 2020 women’s place uk conference with my baby in a sling was terrifying. I’ve never felt that rage before from people with opposing views.

MT

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Private sector

At my London workplace the only accessible toilets for staff from other offices or visitors have been purposely made unisex

As a mum and a female at work I am concerned that we’re being duped into accepting delusion under the guise of D&I and equality. I see SLTs in schools and at work promoting and liking political groups that undermine the reality of sex. Eg: at my London workplace the only accessible toilets for staff from other offices or visitors have been purposely made unisex.

As somebody who whilst at the same company has experienced multiple miscarriages including an ectopic and an unpleasant experience of unwanted advances from a male (who eventually got moved on) I continue to protest against being confined to only using the unisex toilets when single sex toilets do exist.

I know there are others that are too afraid to speak up…it  has been confirmed I am not the only one raising this. The D&I director refuses to take responsibility though it was her that directed this arrangement. D&I initiatives are LGBT++++++ heavy. Webinars refer to TERFs “a minority of radical feminists that attempt to prevent all women from spaces”. I don’t want my daughter to grow up feeling she is not entitled to privacy.

As above I have raised the LGBT++++ webinar in a feedback survey. I continue to raise the unisex toilets issue and refuse to use them when visiting. I share what is most likely deemed as controversial posts on LinkedIn (including yours!).

Yes, I can detect that I’m an irritation to the D&I director. Some colleagues I have spoken to about unisex toilets shrug it off as trivial with the ‘well I don’t mind/sometimes the women’s toilets are in an awful state’.

Shuv

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Healthcare Others

I’ve been watching this assault on women and lesbians developing for years

This matters to me because I’m a lesbian and as a lesbian I increasingly feel that I’m being erased. Back in 2003-06 I was actively involved in Stonewall in my region. I was on the regional committee, which was headed by a lesbian. Also on the committee was a self-declared non-binary man who was studying Gender Studies at a local university and a transwoman. Although nothing had been said publicly Stonewall had already brought Transgenderism under its now-infamous umbrella. When I questioned this and pointed out that transactivism and lesbians were not a good fit, and when I asked what a straight self-declared non-binary man was doing at Stonewall meetings, it became clear that I was no longer welcome on the committee. I and another lesbian who also spoke up were treated with disapproval.

Our words were secretly recorded by the non-binary Gender Studies student and later included in a pro-trans lecture he gave in which we were quoted and cited as ‘the problem’.

I’ve been trying to warn lesbians for years that Stonewall and Pride don’t represent lesbians and until recently no one’s wanted to believe me.

I’ve been watching this assault on women and lesbians developing for years and very few people have believed me until recently.

I’ve been actively resisting by speaking about it within women’s and lesbian circles. I’ve been blocked and defriended by lots of people. People used to roll their eyes but with the help of material from Woman’s Place UKTransgender Trend and so on I’ve been able to debunk a lot of the nonsense.

I engage with my woke local council, though the fact that I’m an older lesbian means I’m talked down and over by the woke mothers of transgender children.

I continue to hold strictly female events and groups, albeit publicised carefully and not publicly, and to correct anyone who tells me it’s not legal.

I’ve spoken up in a theatre and cafes where the only loos have been unisex and asked loudly why this is so, and what are women who don’t want to find themselves in a cubicle next to a man to do, and occasionally other women have joined in. No one likes unisex loos.

I’ve attended a couple of Woman’s Place meetings, raised issues with my local council and other councils (notably Leeds), stickered with Woman: adult human female and taken part in  some direct action. Was due to go to FILIA this year before Covid-19.

I’ve sent a load of people to Mumsnet’s Feminism Chat and they’ve spread the word in turn.

I’ve lost friends. People think I’m a transgender bore and have refused to believe that the very definition of woman is under threat.

I’ve become very aware of ageism and have been astonished at the way I’ve been put down particularly by younger feminists.

I’ve never thought of myself as particularly clever or rational but I’m really very frightened by the speed and stealth with which people have been duped into believing something that, once you.  start to ask a few basic questions, falls apart,

I’ve felt isolated at times and wondered whether it’s me that’s mad. I look at Canada and Ireland and the state of academia and despair. I think there is good reason to be very scared, particularly if you’re a lesbian. It’s shocking how complacent everyone has been in enabling Trans ideology to go untested and unquestioned.

Perhaps the most negative thing of all is realising how easily seduced by dangerous ideas people are. I never used to understand how the nazis could have attracted so many people. Now I see  how easy it is to persuade apparently clever, influential people that black is white, male is female and it’s reasonable for a judge to tell a woman to call the man in the dock opposite ‘he/ him’ on pain of imprisonment. That judge should have been disciplined.

I’ve been a Guardian reader and a Labour voter my entire life and now feel disenfranchised because I can’t vote for Labour or the Lib Dems because of their mindless adoption of TWAW politics. It’s really unsettling.

And finally, I have lost trust in those who are supposed to be brighter and more powerful and informed than me. So many MPs and councils and doctors and judges and teachers and university lecturers have just lapped this gender crap up without question. Including women and lesbians! So many people who turn out to be deeply, blindly misogynistic and homophobic. That’s the really frightening thing. That’s what gives me nightmares.

Susannah, adult human female

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Others

We have worked hard to get safe spaces

I care because women matter. We have worked hard to get safe spaces, to protect us from male violence, to have the right to single sex spaces. I have a daughter and I don’t want her sharing intimate settings with someone with male tendencies. Plus if a man wishes to present differently than society expects then good for him. Why should we insist on how women or men look or present. But that does not mean they change sex. They remain a man dressing as he pleases.

I share on social media. I’ve spoken to other women.

My voice has been quiet as I am afraid to speak out.

Steph, Mum of 2, mid forties

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Every single one expressed concern and also fear /reluctance about speaking out

It feels like a step backwards in the fight for women’s rights. We need safe spaces. We are harassed from a young age. We are oppressed from a young age. We have to constantly work to get what men have easily. To open up access to womens rights to anyone declaring themselves as women, is to redefine the meaning of women and to dismiss and undermine our oppression, our needs, our history

I’ve spoken to women in my family ages 15 to 85 to find their thoughts. Every single one expressed concern and also fear /reluctance about speaking out.

I’ve raised the issue in local political party and with close colleagues.

I’ve posted on social media  – initially to defend transexual women, then to enquire about this new definition of trans and then to speak out strongly against it.

I’ve been called a bigot, right wing, terf and added to block lists on social media.

I’ve had my photograph taken at a demo by a man I do not know who did not introduce himself or request the photo. The photo was one of several posted on social media with comments calling women in it terfs and bigots.

c, Woman from Glasgow

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Parent

Sex matters

I have an elderly mother, a teenage daughter & I’m in my 40s. We are all impacted by the loss of single sex protections for different, but entirely biologically female reasons, and sex remains the common factor in the ways we are impacted in the same and differing ways. Loss of privacy, dignity, safety, recovery from trauma and the right to participate in public life – we all have reasons for the need of female only provisions across many aspects of our lives.

Sex matters, and continues to impact all of us in the various ways we navigate through day to day life.

I’ve organised, researched, spoken up, contacted elected representatives, local authorities, and in most official capacities, I have been ignored, or dismissed without adequate justification or explanation.

I’ve lost a good friend, I worry about the impact on my job if my online identity was confirmed.  Not because I have ever been abusive or harassed anyone, or engaged in ‘bigotry’ but because I believe my right to recognise sex as a material reality is important. Surveys at work no longer address sex, instead they ask for gender identity, something that I do not believe in.

Bones123, Adult Human Female

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Private sector

This is simultaneously deeply offensive and dangerous

I care about this because it is absolutely fundamental. We’re living in a time when our institutions – NHS, Police, Judiciary, schools, charities – have all been cognitively and ideologically captured by ideologues who assert that any man is a woman if he so claims. This is simultaneously deeply offensive and dangerous. If any man can be a woman there can be no women: no same sex females, no female healthcare providers, no women’s prisons, hospital wards, domestic violence services or changing rooms.

I have joined a real life consciousness raising group, online/irl activist groups, spoken to friends, attended the WPUK conference, and Standing for Women events, written to my MP and my local council.

I have had difficult conversations with friends who have bought into the “wrong body” narrative and think we should be “kind”. This has put a strain on these relationships but I hope I can get them to understand the reality of this situation.

Ingrid, Gender abolutionist, women’s rights advocate, realist