Category: Parent

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Others Parent

I’m made to feel like being a regular woman is a hateful thing in itself

I care because I am a woman, a woman with a daughter. Just like me my daughter is a “Tom boy”.

I never wanted to be a girl either it’s not fun. So I ran around with a group of mostly guy friends. However I still like boys so I would date.

When I was 15 years old I lost my virginity to my first real boyfriend. He must have thought that made him have some ownership over me. I was abused beaten and raped, threatened and very scared to move against him. He carefully separated me from my friends and family. He carefully destroyed me and any confidence I had.

As I got older I realized how dangerous some men really are to women. In a world that is made for men we are seen as lesser then. Anyone with a penis being in the same bathroom as me is scary. I don’t want to be scared in a bathroom or a dressing room. I also need a place to talk, having someone their who has or did have a penis would make me uncomfortable.

I’m not against Trans people. They 100% deserve safety and rights too! But why is it that for them to have rights women have to give away the safety we barely have. It feels like Trans women don’t understand and that might be because our experiences are not the same. That’s ok too.

But opening up women exclusive places because someone says they are a woman is very scary.

Biology is real! What about in sports? Will women have to compete with someone who has male biology? Just bc they call themselves a woman? It’s so not fair. This is not the society I wanted for my daughter. It’s also so confusing. I too spent my whole childhood wishing I was a boy. When my boobs came and I got my period I cried because I wanted to be a boy.

In today’s world, society would tell me to transition. But it would have been wrong for me. Now as a adult I know that I am who I am. I don’t have to change. I am a woman, a mother and I am a little rough around the edges. I keep my hair short. I dress how I want and my fiancé still loves me for me. If I had changed I never would have found my happiness.

I have tried my best to speak out on social media and raise other women up. Sadly there is a scary amount of opposition who don’t care about women’s rights they just want the title. They bring down a storm on your job, your family and everything they can attach to you. What a scary thing. Even if your boss agrees with you, they still have to fire you or lose their business!? That is terrifying.

This “agree with me or suffer the consequences” culture that’s happening. This “cancel culture” has moved to regular people. No longer does an angry mass demand a show be taken off the air.

Now they look at a small town mom and say, “agree with me or I will take everything from you”(it’s actually terrifying if you think about it.)

I’m also a artist so I use some of my art to send a message. It’s usually one drawing on black background and large vibrant words. I’m trying to reach out across the line and ask for thoughtful conversation instead of a angry swarm waiting to destroy on command. I’m no one’s enemy.

The consequences seem to be similar for everyone. Like I said before, even if I’m just asking for conversation or a debate to try and see the problems for what they are I am met with blind hate.

Like a swarm of angry bees waiting to sting whoever comes near their hive, we’re not allowed to touch this conversation. So I’ve had hateful slurs thrown at me. Long time friends have unfriended me and I’m made to feel like being a regular woman is a hateful thing in itself.

C. Mutt, I’m a mom and a Artist. My nature is to love and Create. I believe all people have the Right to be safe, happy and live their best life, USA

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Healthcare Parent

The erasure of woman as a sex class frightens me

As a woman, as a mother of a daughter and as a human, the erasure of woman as a sex class frightens me.

I have tweeted, written to my MP, discussed concerns with family and some friends.

I have friends whose children are transitioning who think I am a TERF/bigot etc.

AHW, Mother of 4

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Healthcare Parent

I see the potential impact on our children as being disastrous

I see the potential impact on our children as being disastrous. I fear the consequences of a very loud minority will be felt by the passive majority.

I’ve engaged on Twitter and taken active role in my child’s school consultation.

Usual Twitter issues (no big deal) but called a hateful transphobe by somebody I must see almost every day.

Mike, Concerned father

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Parent

I want them to grow up to be proud of who they are and be safe to live their life

I care because I am female, I have three daughters 12 yrs and under. I want them to grow up to be proud of who they are and be safe to live their life.

I have not done as much as I would like to have done.

Not yet experienced consequences but I’ve not been very brave.

Sara C , Adult human female, mother

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Parent

I have never felt more passionate on any other issue than this

I care because I have a daughter and the thought that she may grow up in a world where she will enjoy less protections than I have, terrifies me.

I feel I would be letting her down if I don’t do something to stop this erosion of women’s rights.

I have never felt more passionate on any other issue than this.

I have spoken up on social media, both under my own name and a pseudonym. I have attended several women’s events and pledged money where needed/where I can. I have spoken to most of my real life friends and family to bring them up to speed on the situation. I have written to my MP several times and I think the next step will be seeing him in person.

One long standing friend called me a transphobe a few years ago and we haven’t spoken since. I’ll never forgive her I don’t think!

We have a non binary person in my team at work and I’m terrified of there being consequences at work if I’m too outspoken about this.

Marisa C, Concerned parent

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Parent

I am worried about implications for my son and daughter

I am worried about implications for my son and daughter – how my son will treat and view women, and the possibility of my daughter getting attacked if single-sex spaces are no longer protected

I have posted on Mumsnet and had discussions with my family (including my sibling who is a transwoman).

PS, educated woman, concerned mother

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Healthcare Parent

I have two very young daughters and I want to be able to look them in the eye when they’re old enough to understand

I care about safeguarding, I care about children being taken down irreversible pathways medically, I care about women’s sports, I care about freedom of speech and I care about us not being seen as non-men or as second-class citizens.

I have two very young daughters and I want to be able to look them in the eye when they’re old enough to understand and we look back on this lunacy and laugh.

I am using my expertise in the sports and charities sectors to help both a grassroots women’s organisation and an LGB organisation with their campaigns and administration, respectively.

I have raised the issue at work, helping to influence policy, and I’ve discussed with friends and family, who know I can be trusted as a sounding board on the issue.

I have retweeted relevant articles on twitter in my real name (I have about ten blue tick followers, mainly sports celebrities, out of about 850 so hopefully some will take note).

I donate to crowdfunders and to the grassroots movement by standing order and I made a substantial donation to lumos to say thank you to JKR.

One of my best friends and I had a row about men using loopholes to access women’s spaces. We’ve been friends for more than ten years and I was frightened at how angry he got with me. Our friendship is only (just) surviving because I’m friends with his wife, too, otherwise I’m sure it’d be over.

Claire G, I’d rather this went away so I can concentrate on more fun stuff

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Parent Private sector survivor

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs

This matters to me because I am a 40 year old mother of a 4 year old daughter. I have been sexually assaulted (police involved) at my place at work as a steward at a premier league football club. I took it in my stride but my wonderful male supervisor witnessed it and had to remind me that it was unacceptable and called the police for me (I was conditioned to accept groping/casual sexual assault).

Beaten by a boyfriend between the ages of 16 and 19. Been called frigid/loose as a school girl by school boys. Flashed 3 times as a teenager, the third time the male adult masturbated in front of me. Received comments about my body/appearance constantly since teenage years. Sexually assaulted on a train at night, reported to police the next day, nothing they could do.

Most of this took place in PUBLIC! Fuck inviting this to a private (previously) safe space where nudity is involved.

I am an HR Manager and have supported a male colleague through transition. He subsequently gaslighted me and started using the female toilet 24 hours after becoming a trans woman, in the flick of a switch.

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs. I ended up triggered and in counselling and uncomfortable to now use the shared toilets.  I don’t want this shit for my daughter. I DON’T WANT THIS SHIT FOR ANYONE!

I’ve followed feminists and dipped my toe in the water by asking Jon Ronson exactly what he felt that Graham Linehan had done wrong. Got threatened, terfed and gaslit. I am now prepared to level up!

I have also been berated and hated on by my woke sister, who in fact in her youth, witnessed me being beaten by my then boyfriend on more than one occasion. 😦

Owning womanhood for the first time in my life, anakindrytalker

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Parent

I have daughters and a lesbian sister

I care because I have daughters and a lesbian sister and I don’t agree they should be forced to have relationships with men who call themselves women if they don’t want.

I have been rather scared but have sent private messages to vocal friends to tell them I stand by them but due to family life I can’t speak up.

Because I haven’t spoken up properly there have been no consequences so far but I am starting to dislike some friends because of their opinions.

S L, woman, mother of daughters, sister of lesbians

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Healthcare Parent trans familiy

Strangers have been given access to and coached my daughter to delete her childhood and replace her future with their transgender story

I care because my 12 year old daughter announced she is trans and is socially transitioning 11 months ago. I care because strangers have been given access to and coached my daughter to delete her childhood and replace her future with their transgender story. I care because my 12 year old daughter has been asking to go on hormone blockers before puberty because they’re safe. I care because it feels like my daughter is being taken away from me.

It was very clear to me from the beginning that raising my voice in any visible way would very quickly lead to being cast as transphobic and bigoted, someone to be excluded and worked around. I have spent months looking to understand what is going on, how the machine works. I have learnt that as a parent I am up against YouTube with adults selling the transgender story to my daughter. I am up against a local LGBTU+ youth charity tutoring my daughter privately on the transgender story. I am up against the NHS with their services to process the transgender story. I am up against my daughter’s school who are validating and authenticating the transgender story, and I am up against my ex wife who affirms the transgender story.

The transgender story is just that, it’s a story. Someone has made it up. There’s no science, there’s no law. But it’s story that is consuming children, women and parents to provide evidence the story is real, that it’s not a story. It’s as big a story as creationism, as big a story as Father Christmas.

The machine is literally just that, a machine, at its core it’s just a defined pathway of tick boxes to account for and ultimately protect institutional decisions. Its purpose is to provide a group of adults with validation the story they made up is real, based on children lives. The machine’s existence in this country is an outcome of institutional neglect and cowardice, my disbelief has no bounds.

Raising my voice means a number of things. Being the best possible dad I can be, be more available and listen more. Keeping close to the YouTube algorithm to see what’s being pushed to my daughter. Making it clear that the LGBTQ+ youth charity does not have my parental permission to continue time with my daughter. Telling the GP that I do not support a referral to Tavistock that my ex-wife organised. Opening up a private psychotherapy route to support our daughter with her development in a professional and open minded way. I haven’t worked out how to deal with the school. The school are more detached, their motives and use of safeguarding best practice and resources on any topic is hugely fragmented and difficult to work with.

I have benefited from the bravery of Keira Bell, and many women, teenage girls and a few men willing to put themselves on the front line of extreme personal aggression to bring this story to the attention of many people. I cannot effectively express my gratitude enough, their work is having an immediate and direct effect on offering protection for my daughter from the machine.

I have benefited from the recent political interest their work has generated, and I have benefited from Covid19 that has put a huge brake on the machine.

I contribute financially to support mumsnet in the face of the realities of #nodebate, I support crowd funding legal cases as they appear. I would like to spend more time working 121 with other parents but I don’t have the reserves of energy yet for this.

I have been called transphobic, bigoted and verbally abused for questioning the machine, questioning the story. Asking questions like what’s the rush, why does this have to happen so fast? Exactly when does professional child psychotherapy actually happen to take a look at a gently bumpy childhood? How can a LGBTU+ youth charity with no child professional qualification have such free and protected access, and influence, over a child’s life choices? Which school roles, what qualifications and what criteria do they follow to bypass my parental authority at the school? Why does social transitioning need to delete a child’s history?

I have been very careful about how and when to visibly raise my voice. I am in a fragile position where my daughter has been well tutored with the transgender story, and unqualified people have the authority to transact the transgender story without my parental authority. The natural outcome will be to reduce my role in her life to being an absent father who’s principle purpose is to provide money. That popular, age old stereotypical man we thought we’d lost many years ago.

When I did choose to raise my voice with the LGBTU+ youth charity not having my parental permission to continue their time with my daughter, my daughter attempted to work around me with the school to continue. An action the school had coached her to follow if this happened, based on the trans inclusion policy they follow. I got lucky with Covid19. The impact over the last eight months, has been massive. I have lived a life of sole dedication to this topic, it is the hardest thing I have had to deal with. This has been much, much harder to handle than our divorce, the stress has been monumental.

A dad