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Parent Private sector survivor

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs

This matters to me because I am a 40 year old mother of a 4 year old daughter. I have been sexually assaulted (police involved) at my place at work as a steward at a premier league football club. I took it in my stride but my wonderful male supervisor witnessed it and had to remind me that it was unacceptable and called the police for me (I was conditioned to accept groping/casual sexual assault).

Beaten by a boyfriend between the ages of 16 and 19. Been called frigid/loose as a school girl by school boys. Flashed 3 times as a teenager, the third time the male adult masturbated in front of me. Received comments about my body/appearance constantly since teenage years. Sexually assaulted on a train at night, reported to police the next day, nothing they could do.

Most of this took place in PUBLIC! Fuck inviting this to a private (previously) safe space where nudity is involved.

I am an HR Manager and have supported a male colleague through transition. He subsequently gaslighted me and started using the female toilet 24 hours after becoming a trans woman, in the flick of a switch.

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs. I ended up triggered and in counselling and uncomfortable to now use the shared toilets.  I don’t want this shit for my daughter. I DON’T WANT THIS SHIT FOR ANYONE!

I’ve followed feminists and dipped my toe in the water by asking Jon Ronson exactly what he felt that Graham Linehan had done wrong. Got threatened, terfed and gaslit. I am now prepared to level up!

I have also been berated and hated on by my woke sister, who in fact in her youth, witnessed me being beaten by my then boyfriend on more than one occasion. 😦

Owning womanhood for the first time in my life, anakindrytalker

Categories
Private sector

I am fearful for my lesbian friends and the cotton ceiling

I am so afraid that my rights are being chipped away in all spheres of life. I am in the early stages of my career but I fear for the misogyny that I will inevitably encounter. I would like to be on a board one day but if trans women are women why need real women! I am fearful for my lesbian friends and the cotton ceiling.

I have created an anonymous twitter account and been to resister meetings but I would like to do more.

I have lost friends for sharing my thoughts.

Im, 24 year old Management consultant

Categories
Private sector

My response is: I won’t do any of that

This matters to me personally. I was raised by a conservative, religious father and a loving, submissive and leftist mum; and was educated (2-17 years old) at only-girls Catholic schools in Spain. My childhood and adolescence were filled with a cognitive dissonance: women are submissive, virginal (resulting in nuns, or a wives and mothers) whilst educated, intelligent and capable (effort, study, discipline).

Although I was already challenging it at home, it wasn’t until university that the external pressure was over (end of school and divorced parents) but not the internal fight. It took years of reading books that I realised the damage that traditional gender stereotypes bring across society.

I have been discussing about gender equality, LGB, religion and politics at home, with friends and at work. I listen, ask for more information, look for alternatives, deep dive. I read and observe: fiction and non-fiction, movies and documentaries to understand the world that surrounds me. I am constantly amazed at how both our brains and our societies work: such imperfect systems capable of such good things.

And all of a sudden, in the name of inclusivity, I am now presented with three options: (1) I can be a ciswoman and perform a submissive, virginal, traditional role (in a very liberal set, where hard porn and sex work are free choices; and make up and high heels actually empower me); (2) I can change the way I dress and hair style and become non-binary (because I am financially independent, care about my career and I am assertive at work); or (3) I can have cosmetic surgery and become a different person altogether. My response is: I won’t do any of that.

I easily recognise any movement that prevents open discussion, denies material reality / science, or forces me to become something I don’t believe in: I have been there and don’t want it back, thank you very much.

In the big scheme of things, I have done very little to raise my voice. I am very vocal with my family, friends and with (a carefully chosen group of) colleagues though. I attend seminars, training and discussions around feminism, social welfare, humanism and similar. I used to take part in Diversity & Inclusion groups at work focused on gender and LGBT. Sometimes I attend political demonstrations but I am not affiliated to any party.

When I joined Twitter about a year ago, my head exploded. I used to be a follower rather than joining in the conversation; read the news (cry a bit), follow a few feminists (feel empowered) and comedians (have a laugh), and watch videos of puppies (aren’t they beautiful?). Then, I kept following a few more women, raised questions, praised interesting articles… and became angrier and angrier (I prefer respectful, no-violent anger than despair).

I (softly) raised a few questions with colleagues, was a bit annoyed at a biological man receiving a Female in Business award; tried to understand the British culture and trans activism (so closely linked to Western individualism and post-modernism); and kept repeating the same mantra: “we should all be free to express ourselves in whatever way we want; and I should treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way I want to be treated.”

When I started listening to the Labour candidates denying sex or giving preferential treatment to males, I was annoyed. But when I attended the solidarity rally for Women’s Place UK and LGB Alliance, I became astonished. I had been in a bubble so I decided to respond to the Scottish Government consultation on their gender recognition bill, and have become a bit more vocal on Twitter (which is not made for my long diatribes).

I am aware of the noise, the ignorance, the science-deniers, the misogynists; but also the kind, hopeful people who just want a better world for everyone.

I haven’t been openly critical about trans issues at work so the colleagues I have been able to talk to, agree with me (they have been even more critical than me who used to embrace inclusion without realising there are actual sex-deniers in this debate). But I know a little about low-key misogyny.

Four years into my previous company, I got the sponsorship of the female Director of the department to design, create and launch a training module for female middle-managers with high potential. Soon after it was launched, she left the company and was replaced by a male Director. On his first day, my (male) line manager and I sat at his office to meet each other, and I explained my part in the programme.

I am very expressive when I talk about something I love: my face turns red, I move my hands a lot… He wasn’t happy. He looked right at me and queried whether I would become “rebellious”. I swore internally whilst nervously laughing a little, looked at my manager and asked if I had ever been problematic to which he replied “no” (big smile too, uneasy and surprised in equal measure). I went home, swore in Spanish (best language for swearing, when you roll those “j” and “r”), spoke to my father (we disagree on plenty of things but he knows how to deal with difficult male senior managers in the workplace because he used to be one of them) and went back to work.

I spoke to my line manager who encouraged me to show my skills and good performance, but had to act as intermediary (aka human shield) in a couple of more occasions. I knew this Director would not help me in my career. Several female colleagues were equally mistrustful but couldn’t do much due to his seniority, so a few months later a (female) Senior Manager took me under her wing and helped me find a brilliant job opportunity in another team. I was very happy to move on.

There Is Always Hope, thereisalwaysh

Categories
Private sector

I have been asked not to speak about it in work

I care because I am a mother of 4 girls and am worried about what it means for their future

I have spoken to people in work.

I have been asked not to speak about it in work as it may cause them problems.

R, Worried mother of 6

Categories
Private sector

I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman

I care because I am a WOMAN. This is not something I chose, I just am. As a child I was not feminine, I resisted dresses and prettiness, these days i would likely be told i was a boy. The sports I love are in danger of being invalidated because some men and boys “feel” like they are women. They are not, they can dress how they want but they are not and never will be women. I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman, I have been insulted because I am a woman. Women and girls must have single sex protections from men.

On a recent article on a work webpage, someone said anyone who didn’t agree that TWAW were TERFs. For the first time I made a comment with my real name, and said it was a term being used to silence and shame women on social media etc. I will admit I was scared to do it, interestingly the person who used the term never came back to comment. It now feels like I will have a mark against my name for speaking out, but I will have to wait and see. Don’t know yet, waiting to see if I get a call from HR to book me onto a diversity course.

Em, An adult human female

Categories
Private sector

I was interviewed by my employer’s HR department after a colleague reported me to them for breaching social media policy

I care because we fought for women’s rights for too long to simply give them up to any man who says he’s a woman.  Womanhood is not a costume, it’s a biological state, and we would be wrong if we ignored that reality.

I have shared posts on Facebook, I have tweeted, I have attended feminist events, I have spoken out to friends and colleagues in real life. I have contributed to fund raisers and emailed parliamentary candidates. I still don’t feel as though I have done enough.

I was interviewed by my employer’s HR department after a colleague (I cannot say friend) reported me to them for breaching social media policy. My crime was to share a Standing For Women post on facebook and have a constructive discussion about it. My employer took no action, but it was not a fun experience, and this has prevented me from being as vocal as I would like to be. I am not proud of myself for that.

A, Barnsley feminist

Categories
Private sector

At my London workplace the only accessible toilets for staff from other offices or visitors have been purposely made unisex

As a mum and a female at work I am concerned that we’re being duped into accepting delusion under the guise of D&I and equality. I see SLTs in schools and at work promoting and liking political groups that undermine the reality of sex. Eg: at my London workplace the only accessible toilets for staff from other offices or visitors have been purposely made unisex.

As somebody who whilst at the same company has experienced multiple miscarriages including an ectopic and an unpleasant experience of unwanted advances from a male (who eventually got moved on) I continue to protest against being confined to only using the unisex toilets when single sex toilets do exist.

I know there are others that are too afraid to speak up…it  has been confirmed I am not the only one raising this. The D&I director refuses to take responsibility though it was her that directed this arrangement. D&I initiatives are LGBT++++++ heavy. Webinars refer to TERFs “a minority of radical feminists that attempt to prevent all women from spaces”. I don’t want my daughter to grow up feeling she is not entitled to privacy.

As above I have raised the LGBT++++ webinar in a feedback survey. I continue to raise the unisex toilets issue and refuse to use them when visiting. I share what is most likely deemed as controversial posts on LinkedIn (including yours!).

Yes, I can detect that I’m an irritation to the D&I director. Some colleagues I have spoken to about unisex toilets shrug it off as trivial with the ‘well I don’t mind/sometimes the women’s toilets are in an awful state’.

Shuv

Categories
Private sector

I’m no longer welcome in most LGBTQ circles/groups

This matters to me because I’m a lesbian who thinks males literally can’t be lesbians so I’m no longer welcome in most LGBTQ circles/groups. I care because sex being superseded by gender is harmful to women in too many ways to go into in this short paragraph! Women’s sport, vulnerable women’s safety, data collection and adequate provision of services, and women being able to speak the truth about their reality are all negatively affected by gender identity dogma and ‘trans women are women.’

I have not done as much as I should have done! So far it’s just been conversations with friends and acquaintances trying to raise awareness, online discussions, and writing to politicians. I’d hoped to attend a rally in March but didn’t go because of Covid19.

I have experienced very few negative consequences, comparatively. It has made some friendships very difficult, but as yet not ended them. My work is thankfully unaffected, as I work in a tiny forestry co-operative with a small number of sympathetic men. The main negative personally is my alienation from the LGBT community and organisations who will brook no dissent, and alienation from Labour/Green circles.

Helen

Categories
Healthcare Private sector

I don’t look like many women I know

I am a woman. I don’t look like many women I know. I am 5ft tall, AAA bust, short hair, don’t wear make up, am ordinary and I can be who I want. I was born in the 70s and in the 80s I could be who I wanted to be with a shaved head in a greatcoat and army boots. I was still a young woman and had relationships with young men.

My sister is 3 years young than me and was a tomboy and known as Steve for several years. She is now a happily partnered lesbian – thank goodness.

Teenagers need to know that they can be who they want and that struggle in life is normal – not a pathology. I have 4 children and the thought of any of them being told they should have surgery to identify as something is abhorrent to me. I have adult sons who have managed risks of knife crime and drunken idiocy so far ok.

My daughters are teens and they need to know the support of women and also know that the truth matters. If they think someone is a man they should be able to say so, not be forced to lie and tolerate a man in a space where I hope they aren’t at risk from men who upskirt, spy in changing rooms and generally perv over young girls – and now being able to do so in the open as transwomen.

My life in the body of a woman has been rocked by menopause and this has made me more aware of the effect of hormones on my body than pregnancy.

I refuse to believe or accept that a man can be a woman and it pains me that girls feel they can’t be women.

I created a new Twitter account to keep this thinking separate from my business. I also have a blog where I rant. I keep talking to my children about these issues but my 17yo already considers me to be a TERF.

I remain silent on these issues in my business environment. I voted Leave too so….

Rachel , An adult human female

Categories
Private sector

No dissent is allowed especially in corporate workplaces

I care because as a lesbian I fear that young lesbians are being pushed down the path of trans rather than being encouraged to be happy in their own bodies. I feel this ideology has been pushed through with no debate and no dissent is allowed especially in corporate workplaces.

I tried to make point on my work internal social media platform but was shot down.

Discowings, working class lesbian living in South London