Tag: work

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Healthcare

As an eighteen-year-old student nurse, I didn’t speak up about Jimmy Saville

This matters to me because I am a woman and a mother of daughters, I care about our rights and opportunities and I care about the dignity and choices of all women. As a Nurse, I also care that people with gender dysphoria are able to access psychological therapies and the treatment that they need.

It matters to me that women and girls can participate fully in society, whether that is with our career choices, via sport, or through social activities, and I want women and girls to have the privacy and dignity they need when dealing with intimate body functions. I care passionately that my daughters can be the women they wish to be, expressing their personality and identity their way and I want them to enjoy safe sex with partners of their choice.

I care that regulatory capture has already eroded safeguarding boundaries and is seeking to reduce them further.  I care that vulnerable people can be persuaded that being Trans / Non-binary will solve their complex issues. Professionally, I have encountered people having more surgery “because if I just had my breasts enlarged/face sculpted/other procedure I would be happy” These people must not be sold a lie.

This especially matters to me, because of something I didn’t speak up about. Thirty plus years ago, as an eighteen-year-old student nurse, I didn’t speak up about Jimmy Saville.

At the time it was a trivial issue and I had no idea of the breadth of the man’s depravity, I just thought he was a creep. But I have asked myself many times since, what if? What if I had said something? what if others had said something? could he have been stopped sooner if the incidents had been stitched together and the picture was clear? We need sunlight.

I bore my friends and family endlessly. I tweet – though under a pseudonym – about issues that affect women and girls, have contributed to crowdfunders and have tried to raise awareness on online platforms, endeavouring to patiently, factually challenge incorrect posts and to repost and celebrate the views of feminists I respect.

I have written to my MP, responded to consultations and am part of online feminist groups. I have written and emailed organisations whose policies undermine the rights of women and girls. I have a long list of organisations whose products I boycott as a result.

Unfortunately, my nursing code of conduct and healthcare employers social media guidelines limit what I can write in my own name – so no I haven’t experience negative consequences, because I work within the rules. I would like to go beyond them.

Helen, Woman, Mother, Nurse,

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Private sector

My response is: I won’t do any of that

This matters to me personally. I was raised by a conservative, religious father and a loving, submissive and leftist mum; and was educated (2-17 years old) at only-girls Catholic schools in Spain. My childhood and adolescence were filled with a cognitive dissonance: women are submissive, virginal (resulting in nuns, or a wives and mothers) whilst educated, intelligent and capable (effort, study, discipline).

Although I was already challenging it at home, it wasn’t until university that the external pressure was over (end of school and divorced parents) but not the internal fight. It took years of reading books that I realised the damage that traditional gender stereotypes bring across society.

I have been discussing about gender equality, LGB, religion and politics at home, with friends and at work. I listen, ask for more information, look for alternatives, deep dive. I read and observe: fiction and non-fiction, movies and documentaries to understand the world that surrounds me. I am constantly amazed at how both our brains and our societies work: such imperfect systems capable of such good things.

And all of a sudden, in the name of inclusivity, I am now presented with three options: (1) I can be a ciswoman and perform a submissive, virginal, traditional role (in a very liberal set, where hard porn and sex work are free choices; and make up and high heels actually empower me); (2) I can change the way I dress and hair style and become non-binary (because I am financially independent, care about my career and I am assertive at work); or (3) I can have cosmetic surgery and become a different person altogether. My response is: I won’t do any of that.

I easily recognise any movement that prevents open discussion, denies material reality / science, or forces me to become something I don’t believe in: I have been there and don’t want it back, thank you very much.

In the big scheme of things, I have done very little to raise my voice. I am very vocal with my family, friends and with (a carefully chosen group of) colleagues though. I attend seminars, training and discussions around feminism, social welfare, humanism and similar. I used to take part in Diversity & Inclusion groups at work focused on gender and LGBT. Sometimes I attend political demonstrations but I am not affiliated to any party.

When I joined Twitter about a year ago, my head exploded. I used to be a follower rather than joining in the conversation; read the news (cry a bit), follow a few feminists (feel empowered) and comedians (have a laugh), and watch videos of puppies (aren’t they beautiful?). Then, I kept following a few more women, raised questions, praised interesting articles… and became angrier and angrier (I prefer respectful, no-violent anger than despair).

I (softly) raised a few questions with colleagues, was a bit annoyed at a biological man receiving a Female in Business award; tried to understand the British culture and trans activism (so closely linked to Western individualism and post-modernism); and kept repeating the same mantra: “we should all be free to express ourselves in whatever way we want; and I should treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way I want to be treated.”

When I started listening to the Labour candidates denying sex or giving preferential treatment to males, I was annoyed. But when I attended the solidarity rally for Women’s Place UK and LGB Alliance, I became astonished. I had been in a bubble so I decided to respond to the Scottish Government consultation on their gender recognition bill, and have become a bit more vocal on Twitter (which is not made for my long diatribes).

I am aware of the noise, the ignorance, the science-deniers, the misogynists; but also the kind, hopeful people who just want a better world for everyone.

I haven’t been openly critical about trans issues at work so the colleagues I have been able to talk to, agree with me (they have been even more critical than me who used to embrace inclusion without realising there are actual sex-deniers in this debate). But I know a little about low-key misogyny.

Four years into my previous company, I got the sponsorship of the female Director of the department to design, create and launch a training module for female middle-managers with high potential. Soon after it was launched, she left the company and was replaced by a male Director. On his first day, my (male) line manager and I sat at his office to meet each other, and I explained my part in the programme.

I am very expressive when I talk about something I love: my face turns red, I move my hands a lot… He wasn’t happy. He looked right at me and queried whether I would become “rebellious”. I swore internally whilst nervously laughing a little, looked at my manager and asked if I had ever been problematic to which he replied “no” (big smile too, uneasy and surprised in equal measure). I went home, swore in Spanish (best language for swearing, when you roll those “j” and “r”), spoke to my father (we disagree on plenty of things but he knows how to deal with difficult male senior managers in the workplace because he used to be one of them) and went back to work.

I spoke to my line manager who encouraged me to show my skills and good performance, but had to act as intermediary (aka human shield) in a couple of more occasions. I knew this Director would not help me in my career. Several female colleagues were equally mistrustful but couldn’t do much due to his seniority, so a few months later a (female) Senior Manager took me under her wing and helped me find a brilliant job opportunity in another team. I was very happy to move on.

There Is Always Hope, thereisalwaysh

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Private sector

I have been asked not to speak about it in work

I care because I am a mother of 4 girls and am worried about what it means for their future

I have spoken to people in work.

I have been asked not to speak about it in work as it may cause them problems.

R, Worried mother of 6

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Others

I was terrified by the thought of periods

I had a number of moments in my childhood where I didn’t want to be female. I dreaded losing my flat chest, I was terrified by the thought of periods and if I had known I could  opt out, I would have done. I didn’t and now I am glad that this option wasn’t available when I was 10-15 years old.

I realise now that it wasn’t that I wanted to be a man, I just didn’t want to be seen as ‘less than’ or as a sexual object. I was never a girly girl  – i never liked labels, and always hated that being female meant that I wasn’t allowed to do woodwork or computer studies amongst many, many other things.

I have observed both sides of this debate very closely over the past few years and I have always fought openly against discrimination of any kind. Both sides have offensive representatives, but the more it has gone on, the more disturbing I am finding the sheer amount of people that shout TERF when someone is being inquisitive.

All my life I have fought against the old fashioned view that being a woman is about liking pink and wearing make up.

I believe that transgender women and men should have rights and support  and should never be subjected to abuse.

I also believe that transgender women should be able to use women’s toilets, but I feel very very uncomfortable with the ‘self id’ element that I see – where trans women have no intention to transition.

Most women I know have experienced some sort of sexual assault, and toilets always felt like safe places. My feeling is that toilets and female prisons are places that should never legally be allowed to be used by predators.

In terms of athletics, it is simply unacceptable that trans women are taking away women’s achievements.

I would love to discuss this more openly, but I have seen what happens when people ask questions and this whole thing is alienating me. I haven’t dared to.

I have been blocked by people on Twitter for following some gender critical people as well trans activists.

KM

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Private sector

I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman

I care because I am a WOMAN. This is not something I chose, I just am. As a child I was not feminine, I resisted dresses and prettiness, these days i would likely be told i was a boy. The sports I love are in danger of being invalidated because some men and boys “feel” like they are women. They are not, they can dress how they want but they are not and never will be women. I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman, I have been insulted because I am a woman. Women and girls must have single sex protections from men.

On a recent article on a work webpage, someone said anyone who didn’t agree that TWAW were TERFs. For the first time I made a comment with my real name, and said it was a term being used to silence and shame women on social media etc. I will admit I was scared to do it, interestingly the person who used the term never came back to comment. It now feels like I will have a mark against my name for speaking out, but I will have to wait and see. Don’t know yet, waiting to see if I get a call from HR to book me onto a diversity course.

Em, An adult human female

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Healthcare Parent trans familiy

Strangers have been given access to and coached my daughter to delete her childhood and replace her future with their transgender story

I care because my 12 year old daughter announced she is trans and is socially transitioning 11 months ago. I care because strangers have been given access to and coached my daughter to delete her childhood and replace her future with their transgender story. I care because my 12 year old daughter has been asking to go on hormone blockers before puberty because they’re safe. I care because it feels like my daughter is being taken away from me.

It was very clear to me from the beginning that raising my voice in any visible way would very quickly lead to being cast as transphobic and bigoted, someone to be excluded and worked around. I have spent months looking to understand what is going on, how the machine works. I have learnt that as a parent I am up against YouTube with adults selling the transgender story to my daughter. I am up against a local LGBTU+ youth charity tutoring my daughter privately on the transgender story. I am up against the NHS with their services to process the transgender story. I am up against my daughter’s school who are validating and authenticating the transgender story, and I am up against my ex wife who affirms the transgender story.

The transgender story is just that, it’s a story. Someone has made it up. There’s no science, there’s no law. But it’s story that is consuming children, women and parents to provide evidence the story is real, that it’s not a story. It’s as big a story as creationism, as big a story as Father Christmas.

The machine is literally just that, a machine, at its core it’s just a defined pathway of tick boxes to account for and ultimately protect institutional decisions. Its purpose is to provide a group of adults with validation the story they made up is real, based on children lives. The machine’s existence in this country is an outcome of institutional neglect and cowardice, my disbelief has no bounds.

Raising my voice means a number of things. Being the best possible dad I can be, be more available and listen more. Keeping close to the YouTube algorithm to see what’s being pushed to my daughter. Making it clear that the LGBTQ+ youth charity does not have my parental permission to continue time with my daughter. Telling the GP that I do not support a referral to Tavistock that my ex-wife organised. Opening up a private psychotherapy route to support our daughter with her development in a professional and open minded way. I haven’t worked out how to deal with the school. The school are more detached, their motives and use of safeguarding best practice and resources on any topic is hugely fragmented and difficult to work with.

I have benefited from the bravery of Keira Bell, and many women, teenage girls and a few men willing to put themselves on the front line of extreme personal aggression to bring this story to the attention of many people. I cannot effectively express my gratitude enough, their work is having an immediate and direct effect on offering protection for my daughter from the machine.

I have benefited from the recent political interest their work has generated, and I have benefited from Covid19 that has put a huge brake on the machine.

I contribute financially to support mumsnet in the face of the realities of #nodebate, I support crowd funding legal cases as they appear. I would like to spend more time working 121 with other parents but I don’t have the reserves of energy yet for this.

I have been called transphobic, bigoted and verbally abused for questioning the machine, questioning the story. Asking questions like what’s the rush, why does this have to happen so fast? Exactly when does professional child psychotherapy actually happen to take a look at a gently bumpy childhood? How can a LGBTU+ youth charity with no child professional qualification have such free and protected access, and influence, over a child’s life choices? Which school roles, what qualifications and what criteria do they follow to bypass my parental authority at the school? Why does social transitioning need to delete a child’s history?

I have been very careful about how and when to visibly raise my voice. I am in a fragile position where my daughter has been well tutored with the transgender story, and unqualified people have the authority to transact the transgender story without my parental authority. The natural outcome will be to reduce my role in her life to being an absent father who’s principle purpose is to provide money. That popular, age old stereotypical man we thought we’d lost many years ago.

When I did choose to raise my voice with the LGBTU+ youth charity not having my parental permission to continue their time with my daughter, my daughter attempted to work around me with the school to continue. An action the school had coached her to follow if this happened, based on the trans inclusion policy they follow. I got lucky with Covid19. The impact over the last eight months, has been massive. I have lived a life of sole dedication to this topic, it is the hardest thing I have had to deal with. This has been much, much harder to handle than our divorce, the stress has been monumental.

A dad

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Healthcare Others

That much of this bile comes from people I’m usually politically aligned with saddens me

I’ve had a long-standing interest in women’s rights because my mother was a staunch advocate for women and active locally in helping those in difficulty. I saw a lot of this while growing up and it had a profound influence on me. To see women now being dismissed as hateful bigots for wanting to protect their hard-won rights and protections is deeply troubling to me and that much of this bile comes from people I’m usually politically aligned with saddens me.

I discuss it with friends and family and I post on social media but aside from that I haven’t attended and organised meetings or anything of that nature.

One of the perks of being entirely unsuccessful career-wise is that nobody where I work could care less about my opinions.

I’ve had a frank discussion with one of my very dearest female friends whose stepson is now identifying as a woman. I was nervous about talking this through with her but in the end she was very receptive to what I said and we remain friends.

A scared feminist mother, I care because the fight for women’s rights has been brutal and hard and we are not there yet. The GRA / Trans movement is stripping away what we have fought for. We need safe spaces for women, and we need to acknowledge that sex is a protected characteristic. I am terrified for all women in hospitals, prisons, shelters, public toilets etc who may find themselves next to a biological man – regardless of whether that man is predatory. I’m scared for my children, and all the children out there being told that because they don’t like pink and barbies maybe they are actually a boy, and perhaps they would like hormone suppressants? Fuck.

Unfortunately I have done nothing… I have only spoken with my mum and sister about this. And please know, I have spent my adult life being vocal on important and challenging topics, attending rallies, encouraging education and conversation. But this feels different. I feel in danger to speak up due to how toxic the conversation is, how easily people are fired and targeted personally. Just walking past the protesters at the 2020 women’s place uk conference with my baby in a sling was terrifying. I’ve never felt that rage before from people with opposing views.

MT

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Parent

I find that ‘I’m on the wrong side of history’ by believing that sex exists (always) and matters (sometimes)

I’m a feminist. I abhor sex sterotyping. I abhor bullying of those that trangress the boundaries of gender. I take pains to raise my boy without the constraints of sex-based expectations. Yet I find that ‘I’m on the wrong side of history’ by believing that sex exists (always) and matters (sometimes). I see young men and women seeking medical transition as the only way out of the narrow pathways that a patriarchal society offers. I see them accepting stereotypes and doing violence to their own bodies. I don’t want this for any person.

Feminism gave me a way to understand the world and challenge what was wrong in it and a way to learn about my sex and ultimately accept it. I was lucky.

I finally had a conversation with my child’s headteacher (after seeing that a reference to ‘gender identity’ had been made in a letter to parents). I followed this up with a letter explaining my concerns plus materials from TransgenderTrend. I’ve also started talking to another concerned parent (after delicately talking around the issue for a while).

On the work front, I backed up a colleague when he was challenged for changing a reference to ‘Gender. Male/Female’ in a paper to ‘Sex. Male/Female’. Long, painful conversations with younger colleagues ensued.

(Their view being: it’s icky, offensive and potentially transphobic to mention sex.) The matter has never been resolved.

Sharing gender critical thoughts with family and friends led to allegations of siding with transphobes and being backward thinking. Ultimately a friendship was almost lost. At work, I feel I’ve effectively outed myself as someone who might not be trusted to ‘care’ about trans people. (On the contrary, I care deeply about those who don’t fit into stereotypical gender categories: I just don’t want them to harm their bodies. And I want us all to focus our energy on introducing male-bodied people to their feminine sides.)

Kate

Categories
Private sector

At my London workplace the only accessible toilets for staff from other offices or visitors have been purposely made unisex

As a mum and a female at work I am concerned that we’re being duped into accepting delusion under the guise of D&I and equality. I see SLTs in schools and at work promoting and liking political groups that undermine the reality of sex. Eg: at my London workplace the only accessible toilets for staff from other offices or visitors have been purposely made unisex.

As somebody who whilst at the same company has experienced multiple miscarriages including an ectopic and an unpleasant experience of unwanted advances from a male (who eventually got moved on) I continue to protest against being confined to only using the unisex toilets when single sex toilets do exist.

I know there are others that are too afraid to speak up…it  has been confirmed I am not the only one raising this. The D&I director refuses to take responsibility though it was her that directed this arrangement. D&I initiatives are LGBT++++++ heavy. Webinars refer to TERFs “a minority of radical feminists that attempt to prevent all women from spaces”. I don’t want my daughter to grow up feeling she is not entitled to privacy.

As above I have raised the LGBT++++ webinar in a feedback survey. I continue to raise the unisex toilets issue and refuse to use them when visiting. I share what is most likely deemed as controversial posts on LinkedIn (including yours!).

Yes, I can detect that I’m an irritation to the D&I director. Some colleagues I have spoken to about unisex toilets shrug it off as trivial with the ‘well I don’t mind/sometimes the women’s toilets are in an awful state’.

Shuv

Categories
Healthcare Parent

This is a highly inappropriate thing to say to children with any form of disability

I care because no child should be told by anyone in authority that they may have been ‘born in the wrong body’. This is an ideology, not a scientific fact and should be taught as such, if at all.

I don’t imagine there are many people in this world who didn’t like aspects of their body growing up and they should be taught body positivity and self acceptance.

I also feel this is a highly inappropriate thing to say to children with any form of disability who may well feel like they are in the wrong body but are unable to identify out of it.

Self ID is a separate matter which raises all sorts of ethical and legal issues. The current GRA requirements seem reasonable to me but as with all law should should be subject to considered review. In the current climate this is difficult due to the atmosphere of fear of being branded transphobic.

I’m not particularly vocal on social media anyways but having seen the hate and vitriol spouted at anyone who doesn’t fully devote themselves to trans rights activity worldview I don’t want to get involved publically.

Not personally because I am aware that if you even hint to the wrong person that you feel women’s and children’s safeguarding should be considered in all of this you are subject to criticism.

My wife mentioned to a work colleague that I was interested in the the Scottish GRA review and upon hearing that I thought self ID could have negative implications for women’s legal protections she was informed that I am bigoted, transphobic and denying the reality of trans people.

Nick, Interested parent and casual twitter observer