Author: bomp123

Categories
Parent

I have daughters and a lesbian sister

I care because I have daughters and a lesbian sister and I don’t agree they should be forced to have relationships with men who call themselves women if they don’t want.

I have been rather scared but have sent private messages to vocal friends to tell them I stand by them but due to family life I can’t speak up.

Because I haven’t spoken up properly there have been no consequences so far but I am starting to dislike some friends because of their opinions.

S L, woman, mother of daughters, sister of lesbians

Categories
Healthcare trans familiy

They do not know about the men demanding to shower with woman and girls in their changing rooms

In addition to the natural fairness, and women’s entitlement to their own safe spaces, my niece was inculcated into the trans cult -she is lesbian, on the autism spectrum and spent 2+ years in therapy before deciding not to go down the transmen route and has instead become a non-binary pan-sexual lesbian.  Tranns-children is child abuse, pure and simple.

I’ve just done social media stuff.  Mainly Twitter.  Tried on FB, but most people do not want to listen and still assume trans is akin to gay/lesbian and is not relevant to their lives or their children’s lives.  They do not know about the men demanding to shower with woman and girls in their changing rooms or demanding access to female only safe spaces.

I have been blocked or unfriended on social media.

Paul M, Luddite IT developer

Categories
Men

I’m a feminist. Quite simple really

This matters to me because I’m a feminist. Quite simple really.

I’ve communicated issues to others personally. I’ve interacted on social media platforms.

A, Father, brother, husband – perhaps in that order

Categories
Private sector

I am fearful for my lesbian friends and the cotton ceiling

I am so afraid that my rights are being chipped away in all spheres of life. I am in the early stages of my career but I fear for the misogyny that I will inevitably encounter. I would like to be on a board one day but if trans women are women why need real women! I am fearful for my lesbian friends and the cotton ceiling.

I have created an anonymous twitter account and been to resister meetings but I would like to do more.

I have lost friends for sharing my thoughts.

Im, 24 year old Management consultant

Categories
Private sector

My response is: I won’t do any of that

This matters to me personally. I was raised by a conservative, religious father and a loving, submissive and leftist mum; and was educated (2-17 years old) at only-girls Catholic schools in Spain. My childhood and adolescence were filled with a cognitive dissonance: women are submissive, virginal (resulting in nuns, or a wives and mothers) whilst educated, intelligent and capable (effort, study, discipline).

Although I was already challenging it at home, it wasn’t until university that the external pressure was over (end of school and divorced parents) but not the internal fight. It took years of reading books that I realised the damage that traditional gender stereotypes bring across society.

I have been discussing about gender equality, LGB, religion and politics at home, with friends and at work. I listen, ask for more information, look for alternatives, deep dive. I read and observe: fiction and non-fiction, movies and documentaries to understand the world that surrounds me. I am constantly amazed at how both our brains and our societies work: such imperfect systems capable of such good things.

And all of a sudden, in the name of inclusivity, I am now presented with three options: (1) I can be a ciswoman and perform a submissive, virginal, traditional role (in a very liberal set, where hard porn and sex work are free choices; and make up and high heels actually empower me); (2) I can change the way I dress and hair style and become non-binary (because I am financially independent, care about my career and I am assertive at work); or (3) I can have cosmetic surgery and become a different person altogether. My response is: I won’t do any of that.

I easily recognise any movement that prevents open discussion, denies material reality / science, or forces me to become something I don’t believe in: I have been there and don’t want it back, thank you very much.

In the big scheme of things, I have done very little to raise my voice. I am very vocal with my family, friends and with (a carefully chosen group of) colleagues though. I attend seminars, training and discussions around feminism, social welfare, humanism and similar. I used to take part in Diversity & Inclusion groups at work focused on gender and LGBT. Sometimes I attend political demonstrations but I am not affiliated to any party.

When I joined Twitter about a year ago, my head exploded. I used to be a follower rather than joining in the conversation; read the news (cry a bit), follow a few feminists (feel empowered) and comedians (have a laugh), and watch videos of puppies (aren’t they beautiful?). Then, I kept following a few more women, raised questions, praised interesting articles… and became angrier and angrier (I prefer respectful, no-violent anger than despair).

I (softly) raised a few questions with colleagues, was a bit annoyed at a biological man receiving a Female in Business award; tried to understand the British culture and trans activism (so closely linked to Western individualism and post-modernism); and kept repeating the same mantra: “we should all be free to express ourselves in whatever way we want; and I should treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way I want to be treated.”

When I started listening to the Labour candidates denying sex or giving preferential treatment to males, I was annoyed. But when I attended the solidarity rally for Women’s Place UK and LGB Alliance, I became astonished. I had been in a bubble so I decided to respond to the Scottish Government consultation on their gender recognition bill, and have become a bit more vocal on Twitter (which is not made for my long diatribes).

I am aware of the noise, the ignorance, the science-deniers, the misogynists; but also the kind, hopeful people who just want a better world for everyone.

I haven’t been openly critical about trans issues at work so the colleagues I have been able to talk to, agree with me (they have been even more critical than me who used to embrace inclusion without realising there are actual sex-deniers in this debate). But I know a little about low-key misogyny.

Four years into my previous company, I got the sponsorship of the female Director of the department to design, create and launch a training module for female middle-managers with high potential. Soon after it was launched, she left the company and was replaced by a male Director. On his first day, my (male) line manager and I sat at his office to meet each other, and I explained my part in the programme.

I am very expressive when I talk about something I love: my face turns red, I move my hands a lot… He wasn’t happy. He looked right at me and queried whether I would become “rebellious”. I swore internally whilst nervously laughing a little, looked at my manager and asked if I had ever been problematic to which he replied “no” (big smile too, uneasy and surprised in equal measure). I went home, swore in Spanish (best language for swearing, when you roll those “j” and “r”), spoke to my father (we disagree on plenty of things but he knows how to deal with difficult male senior managers in the workplace because he used to be one of them) and went back to work.

I spoke to my line manager who encouraged me to show my skills and good performance, but had to act as intermediary (aka human shield) in a couple of more occasions. I knew this Director would not help me in my career. Several female colleagues were equally mistrustful but couldn’t do much due to his seniority, so a few months later a (female) Senior Manager took me under her wing and helped me find a brilliant job opportunity in another team. I was very happy to move on.

There Is Always Hope, thereisalwaysh

Categories
Others

Using public toilets already carries enough embarrassment and shame

I have a medical condition that makes my periods extremely heavy – it’s not uncommon for me to faint from menstruation-induced anaemia, or to sit on a toilet, weeping and free-bleeding for half an hour, building the resolve to attempt to deal with it. When I’m on, I live in a constant state of anxiety that I’ll bleed on clothes or furniture and everyone will see it. Using public toilets already carries enough embarrassment and shame, without adding the fear that the people hearing me rustle in cubicles, or seeing me wash blood from my hands, or using the toilet I’ve just had to makeshift clean, are male.

And I’m angry at the suggestion that my experience is somehow random, that it has nothing to do with being a woman, and the stigma around it is unconnected to it being a female experience. And it pisses me off that there are people who believe that I shouldn’t talk about my condition because periods are a ‘cis privilege’. It makes my stupid inconvenient blood boil.

I challenge inaccurate or illogical statements wherever I find them. I’m anonymous on Twitter and feel bad about it. Using a fake name and no picture saves me from the worst of the backlash that lots of women receive. I just don’t have the energy to deal with the hate from all sides that seems to come with a woman expressing even fairly innoccuous opinions. I live alone and on only my own salary, so when I see people being doxxed or their jobs threatened, it terrifies me and makes me feel incapable of revealing anything about myself. I’m not very important so maybe I’d fly under the radar, but it’s scary.

I engage in the discussion in real life, though, and on Facebook under my own name with people I know.

Where I’m anonymous on social media, it’s just name-calling (TERF, bitch, Nazi, cunt etc.) and vitriol like “die in a fire”. Nowhere near as bad as the non-anon people, but still pretty horrible.

I’ve lost a few acquaintances, been unfriended on Facebook, had people I otherwise get on with really well question my left wing / liberal credentials, express disappointment, refuse to have any conversation about it.

Lkh, Woman. You know what that is

Categories
Private sector

I have been asked not to speak about it in work

I care because I am a mother of 4 girls and am worried about what it means for their future

I have spoken to people in work.

I have been asked not to speak about it in work as it may cause them problems.

R, Worried mother of 6

Categories
Others

I was terrified by the thought of periods

I had a number of moments in my childhood where I didn’t want to be female. I dreaded losing my flat chest, I was terrified by the thought of periods and if I had known I could  opt out, I would have done. I didn’t and now I am glad that this option wasn’t available when I was 10-15 years old.

I realise now that it wasn’t that I wanted to be a man, I just didn’t want to be seen as ‘less than’ or as a sexual object. I was never a girly girl  – i never liked labels, and always hated that being female meant that I wasn’t allowed to do woodwork or computer studies amongst many, many other things.

I have observed both sides of this debate very closely over the past few years and I have always fought openly against discrimination of any kind. Both sides have offensive representatives, but the more it has gone on, the more disturbing I am finding the sheer amount of people that shout TERF when someone is being inquisitive.

All my life I have fought against the old fashioned view that being a woman is about liking pink and wearing make up.

I believe that transgender women and men should have rights and support  and should never be subjected to abuse.

I also believe that transgender women should be able to use women’s toilets, but I feel very very uncomfortable with the ‘self id’ element that I see – where trans women have no intention to transition.

Most women I know have experienced some sort of sexual assault, and toilets always felt like safe places. My feeling is that toilets and female prisons are places that should never legally be allowed to be used by predators.

In terms of athletics, it is simply unacceptable that trans women are taking away women’s achievements.

I would love to discuss this more openly, but I have seen what happens when people ask questions and this whole thing is alienating me. I haven’t dared to.

I have been blocked by people on Twitter for following some gender critical people as well trans activists.

KM

Categories
Private sector

I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman

I care because I am a WOMAN. This is not something I chose, I just am. As a child I was not feminine, I resisted dresses and prettiness, these days i would likely be told i was a boy. The sports I love are in danger of being invalidated because some men and boys “feel” like they are women. They are not, they can dress how they want but they are not and never will be women. I have been assaulted at work because I am a woman, I have been insulted because I am a woman. Women and girls must have single sex protections from men.

On a recent article on a work webpage, someone said anyone who didn’t agree that TWAW were TERFs. For the first time I made a comment with my real name, and said it was a term being used to silence and shame women on social media etc. I will admit I was scared to do it, interestingly the person who used the term never came back to comment. It now feels like I will have a mark against my name for speaking out, but I will have to wait and see. Don’t know yet, waiting to see if I get a call from HR to book me onto a diversity course.

Em, An adult human female

Categories
Healthcare Parent trans familiy

Strangers have been given access to and coached my daughter to delete her childhood and replace her future with their transgender story

I care because my 12 year old daughter announced she is trans and is socially transitioning 11 months ago. I care because strangers have been given access to and coached my daughter to delete her childhood and replace her future with their transgender story. I care because my 12 year old daughter has been asking to go on hormone blockers before puberty because they’re safe. I care because it feels like my daughter is being taken away from me.

It was very clear to me from the beginning that raising my voice in any visible way would very quickly lead to being cast as transphobic and bigoted, someone to be excluded and worked around. I have spent months looking to understand what is going on, how the machine works. I have learnt that as a parent I am up against YouTube with adults selling the transgender story to my daughter. I am up against a local LGBTU+ youth charity tutoring my daughter privately on the transgender story. I am up against the NHS with their services to process the transgender story. I am up against my daughter’s school who are validating and authenticating the transgender story, and I am up against my ex wife who affirms the transgender story.

The transgender story is just that, it’s a story. Someone has made it up. There’s no science, there’s no law. But it’s story that is consuming children, women and parents to provide evidence the story is real, that it’s not a story. It’s as big a story as creationism, as big a story as Father Christmas.

The machine is literally just that, a machine, at its core it’s just a defined pathway of tick boxes to account for and ultimately protect institutional decisions. Its purpose is to provide a group of adults with validation the story they made up is real, based on children lives. The machine’s existence in this country is an outcome of institutional neglect and cowardice, my disbelief has no bounds.

Raising my voice means a number of things. Being the best possible dad I can be, be more available and listen more. Keeping close to the YouTube algorithm to see what’s being pushed to my daughter. Making it clear that the LGBTQ+ youth charity does not have my parental permission to continue time with my daughter. Telling the GP that I do not support a referral to Tavistock that my ex-wife organised. Opening up a private psychotherapy route to support our daughter with her development in a professional and open minded way. I haven’t worked out how to deal with the school. The school are more detached, their motives and use of safeguarding best practice and resources on any topic is hugely fragmented and difficult to work with.

I have benefited from the bravery of Keira Bell, and many women, teenage girls and a few men willing to put themselves on the front line of extreme personal aggression to bring this story to the attention of many people. I cannot effectively express my gratitude enough, their work is having an immediate and direct effect on offering protection for my daughter from the machine.

I have benefited from the recent political interest their work has generated, and I have benefited from Covid19 that has put a huge brake on the machine.

I contribute financially to support mumsnet in the face of the realities of #nodebate, I support crowd funding legal cases as they appear. I would like to spend more time working 121 with other parents but I don’t have the reserves of energy yet for this.

I have been called transphobic, bigoted and verbally abused for questioning the machine, questioning the story. Asking questions like what’s the rush, why does this have to happen so fast? Exactly when does professional child psychotherapy actually happen to take a look at a gently bumpy childhood? How can a LGBTU+ youth charity with no child professional qualification have such free and protected access, and influence, over a child’s life choices? Which school roles, what qualifications and what criteria do they follow to bypass my parental authority at the school? Why does social transitioning need to delete a child’s history?

I have been very careful about how and when to visibly raise my voice. I am in a fragile position where my daughter has been well tutored with the transgender story, and unqualified people have the authority to transact the transgender story without my parental authority. The natural outcome will be to reduce my role in her life to being an absent father who’s principle purpose is to provide money. That popular, age old stereotypical man we thought we’d lost many years ago.

When I did choose to raise my voice with the LGBTU+ youth charity not having my parental permission to continue their time with my daughter, my daughter attempted to work around me with the school to continue. An action the school had coached her to follow if this happened, based on the trans inclusion policy they follow. I got lucky with Covid19. The impact over the last eight months, has been massive. I have lived a life of sole dedication to this topic, it is the hardest thing I have had to deal with. This has been much, much harder to handle than our divorce, the stress has been monumental.

A dad