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Parent

Reality matters

Reality matters. If we can’t name reality then we can’t address any unfairness, injustice or exploitation.

I got pregnant from a rape (one of many) when I was a young and vulnerable adult, and how I have been targeted on the basis of and generally affected by, my female biology since I was a young child, has had huge and devastating consequences for my entire life. Sex matters. Recognising sex matters. I can’t live in a world where I am forced to pretend reality doesn’t exist and that males who are uncomfortable or deeply distressed with masculinity or who fetishise the idea of themselves as feminine/a woman are the most vulnerable/the most superior type of woman. I can guarantee none of them are raising their rapist’s baby as a single parent living in poverty. Poverty which has resulted from repeated sexual, physical and emotional victimisation by men since the age of 11.

I do not do as much as I would like as I already live in fear of being re-victimised by violent men.

I have seen the violent rhetoric, the threats, the bullying, the harassment of women who have spoken out. I only speak about my views amongst those I know and trust now.

I lost acquaintances and once I realised the things that were happening to others I became very circumspect about what I say and to whom.

Ms S, Frightened woman,

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Parent

I am concerned that there will be no safe spaces for women

I care because as a woman I am scared of the erasure of women. I am concerned that there will be no safe spaces for women, no women in sport or industry. I care that I am being reduced to a vessel when I am referred to as a menstruator or similar dehumanising language. 

I care because I have a one year old son. I don’t want him to be told his body is wrong if he doesn’t display enough stereotypical male behaviours.

I care because I don’t believe children should be medically experimented on as we are currently seeing with puberty blockers and pathways to irreversible hormone treatments and surgeries.

I have debated this, softly, on social media. I am a, admittedly mostly quiet and learning, member of the mumsnet feminist board. I’m a member of a few gender critical social media groups. I took part in the GRA government consultation. I have resolved to write to my MP on this subject. But mostly, shamefully, I don’t speak up enough.

It’s been made very clear my social circle contains a few extremely vocal people who will loudly insist trans women are women. I’ve been labelled a terf and a bigot for things as simple as wanting to discuss the place of trans women in sports.

G

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Parent

If they found out my RL identity I would be unsafe

I care about this because I am a woman, and I care about other women’s safety. If I were to be imprisoned tomorrow, there could be a transwoman in my cell.

Sex segregated spaces are essential, and to include men in them makes them pointless.

Isobel

Legally, the definition of woman needs to mean adult human female.  I also have an autistic child, and find the stats around trans indentified minors terrifying, given the current state of affirmative ‘healthcare’.

I have joined Twitter to learn more, support gender critical Twitter, share & write posts, and fill out consultations when they are available. I post on Facebook about gender critical issues occasionally. I have bought merchandise that supports gender critical campaigns.  

I have been called TERF, Nazi, bigot, personally insulted, threatened with rape, and it has been suggested that if they found out my RL identity I would be unsafe. For this reason my Twitter a/c is not in my real name as I would be easily identified.

In real life I have been told I shouldn’t talk about these issues, because it’s ‘unkind’.

Isobel, Adult human female, feminist, mother of an autistic son

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Parent

Reality is simply being denied

This should matter to all of us because reality is simply being denied. I have spent my life, particularly the younger years, being denied access to sports, careers and opportunities because I am female. Now I am to be denied the right to my own sex! Our daughter’s, sister’s, and mother’s female  rights are being eroded, erased and written back out of existence. I care about this issue because I don’t want us to go backwards.

‘Woman’ is not a category that can be picked by whoever chooses. It’s not a garment to wear when you feel like it. It’s my life.

Marie

I have been making myself more aware of what is gong on in the world and closer to home. I have tried to help other people be aware of what is being taken away from us.

A lot of folk just don’t want to hear about it, they think it is the rantings of the Daily Mail!

Marie, Home educating mum

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Parent

We are no longer entitled to privacy, dignity or safety

I care because the sex based protections afforded to me and my daughter by law are being destroyed and that we are no longer entitled to privacy, dignity or safety.

It’s also a sexist stereotype to ” live as a woman”. I don’t wear makeup or dress in especially feminine clothing. Does that mean I am less of a woman even though I bore children?

I have written to my local theatre about them changing some of their female toilets to accept men without consulting their customers. They replied that it was down to their diversity committee and they would not reconsider.

I live in Scotland and got in touch with an educational provider of resources for schools in Scotland regarding relationships etc to enquire about a video they linked to on their website. It was very one-sided about a boy becoming transgender but disregarded how this impacted on girls. They replied that they decided to remove the video; not because of my reasoning but because they realised that the material contained sexist stereotypes that they were uncomfortable with.

I wrote to a castle in Aberdeenshire about their mixed sex toilets. On entering I assumed that they were self-contained and I think the large bearded tourist in front of me was as uncomfortable as I was. I wrote to the castle’s representative and asked why they had chosen to do this. The reply was that the men’s used to be separate but the building became unsafe and they had limited space and planning permission. When I wrote back to explain why mixed sex toilets we’re bad for women and girls ( I cited voyeurism and privacy) they ignored me.

I have written to some MPs and MSPS with mixed results and some patronising comments.

I have delivered some leaflets for For Women Scotland. I do not know if there was anything positive from this but I felt better at doing something albeit anonymously.

If I do anything, it’s usually as a private communication with a company or politician.

I don’t feel confident or comfortable doing it in a more public forum. I did it once on Facebook and received some negative feedback in the form of cartoons. I gleaned from one cartoon from someone who I regarded as a close childhood friend that I was “an asshole”.

Tombs of Atuan, Mother of school age children

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Parent

The whole debate has destroyed -democracy

This matters to me because I understand from a cultural perspective the negative impact these proposals will have – women only spaces based upon sex is needed. I also disagree with gender stereotyping and putting children on medicines -how can a child really understand sex and changing it? My eldest said he was a cat the other day now he is a boy again –  just because they display opposite to their sex play. All because a boy plays with a dolly doesn’t mean he is girl and yet according to Mermaids it does. Rubbish.

From what I’ve read it’s used particularly in the states as gay conversation – completely wrong. It also worries me the online grooming of children by older men. If they didn’t scream I’m trans then they would be prosecuted.

That’s the last thing the whole debate has destroyed – democracy. You can’t have opposing views and express them without real fear.

CES

I would love to say that there are two biological sex and you can’t change them. Change the outside if you want – and understand the lifelong pain the drugs and surgery causes which children can never do – but you will still be the same biological sex at the end.

Let children be children.

Let adults be themselves but not at the harm of others.

Let democracy survive and allow debate.

CES

I have reposted as many times as I see on Twitter articles and comments to fill the feed. I’ve filled in forms. I’ve tried to discuss the path the government is taking us down. My husbands family is Muslim so that was much harder – but even they are getting that this we have an impact even on their circle.

I have had threats on twitter – they don’t do anything

CES

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Healthcare Parent

As a parent I want my children to grow up in safety

Its basic human rights to feel safe. As a parent I want my children to grow up in safety.

I haven’t done as much as I should. With my children in school I’ve been afraid of the fall out affecting them. My child’s father is in university, which isn’t the best place to be if your partner is a “terf”. He’s concerned I’ll ruin his future.

But I helped in TransRational. A group which fought for fair rights between women & transwomen. It unfortunately failed around the same time as Posie parker went to America.

I’ve been lucky. I get a lot of online abuse. But I generally ignore what I can.

MISS PENGUIN

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Parent

There appears to be no constructive help available

This is hugely important to me because my 18 year old son believes he is transgender and there appears to be no constructive help available other than the affirmative approach which I consider to be unbalanced.

I feel I’m unable to be vocal about this because my son is a young adult who has not divulged his gender identity to others, nor would I want to upset him by being deliberately oppositional.

When my son first announced he was transgender, every discussion with him resulted in tears and hostility. 

Fiona

As I have learned more about his gender dysphoria, it has become easier to talk about matters.  I have not discussed the subject publicly.

FIONA, MOTHER OF THREE

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Parent

I have seen something very sinister unfold

This issue is important to me because I have seen something very sinister unfold over a number of years.

What used to seem inexplicable and random – feminist groups quite suddenly turning from places of robust exchanges of opinion between women, to places of censoriousness, telling off and marginalising those who question centering men – and now with the benefit of hindsight this is no longer inexplicable or random to me, but obviously coordinated, planned and deliberate.

L

It is chilling. Women’s gains are being pushed back by male supremacists wearing rainbow flags who have infiltrated every organisation and space with the word ‘women’ in it.

To raise my voice I have spoken up to most people I know, written to my MP, taken part in consultations, protests, spoken on social media and given to crowdfunders.

I have experienced hostility and stereotyping – told that I am a bigot and a ‘Daily Mail reader’ in my real life. I have had it a lost worse on social media – lost accounts.

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Parent

Women’s safe spaces will be eroded

I am concerned that if self-id legislation is introduced then men will be able to identify as women and women’s safe spaces will be eroded. I am concerned that male prisoners will self-identify as female so that they can be transferred to a women’s prison. As a parent I am  concerned that children are being allowed to stop their puberty and are then put on cross sex hormones at a young age and I am concerned about women losing out on sporting opportunities to trans women.

I have written to Marks and Spencer about their changing room policies. I also post on Twitter. I complained to the GMC about the behaviour of Dr Adrian Harrop.

I have had negative reactions on Twitter from Trans Rights Activists.

FRANCESCA PARKER