Tag: Abuse

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You absolutely cannot understand what it means to be female if you have been raised and socialised as a man

This matters to me because I am a feminist who believes in equality.  You absolutely cannot understand what it means to be female if you have been raised and socialised as a man.  You cannot understand what makes a female feel vulnerable around male bodies.  Male entitlement.  Male strength.  Male power. 

I have been raped more than once.  Sexually abused from childhood.  Controlled, belittled, groped, patronised, objectified by men.  Being a woman is not a costume, it is a lifetime of looking over your shoulder.  Being born and raised as a male will give you no insight into that underlying fear.

I have done very little.  I’m too scared to put my thoughts out there.  I’ve seen brave women who have spoken out and have been attacked and abused for their beliefs. 

I have lost a good friend.  She has been in an abusive relationship for years, and left it to go into another.  She is a good person and has been raised to “be nice”.  She is nice to her abusers and blames herself.  That is what female socialisation does to you. 

Doris, I am a woman.  An adult human female

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Education

FGM abuse happens to girls based on their sex

Trans people need to be safe, but they need to recognise that some people will take advantage and abuse the system to harm vulnerable women. I am a woman and I can see others being silenced for wanting to talk about being a biological woman, by men. This should not be happening.

I have argued that female genital mutilation (FGM) should not be renamed due to transphobia. Girls are abused based on their sex and we need to make sure that others know this and don’t invalidate the traumatic experiences girls and women deal with by changing the language or comparing FGM to trans surgery.

I have been called a terf, been told I need to be slapped by a cock, slapped by a lady dick, told to choke on girl dick, called a transphobe for wanting to keep vulnerable women safe,  called a stupid bitch

I have had family members inboxed, had emails sent to my work (I oversee all the emails though so was able to delete and remove all traces of employment from social media) for suggesting that men want to silence women .

Sarah

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Healthcare Parent

I promised myself that I would never again collude in someone else’s bulls**t.

I care because I have a daughter- having grown up in a very women-unfriendly family and country, I view transgenderism as another robe that misogyny wears.

I watched “Panti’s noble call” and really felt sympathy for people who felt that they were “born in the wrong body”…and later reflected that at no point in his speech did he reference that the abuse he experienced is something that young women deal with ALL THE TIME.

You titled your questionnaire “speaking up for reality” and having been gaslighted almost to oblivion when married, I promised myself that I would never again collude in someone else’s bulls**t. I am very kind,  considerate and empathetic- but I will not reduce my own boundaries to accommodate someone else’s needs. They have to take responsibility for themselves.

I speak to my children constantly (teens) and advise them to keep their heads down about the issue at school.

I refused to work with a school (professionally) that wanted to modify a bathroom to accommodate a (trans) child, under the guise of adapting the bathroom to meet the needs of another (different) disabled child.

I tentatively raise my voice with friends- but most are still at the point of “what’s the harm in being kind?” or “what difference does it make?” without thinking it through to it’s logical outcome, when manipulated by someone who refuses to recognise usual social boundaries, or who refuses to reciprocate respect.

Not really, but then I havent yet been brave- I really worry for my livelihood (I work with ASD children and teens).

MRP, Ireland

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Others

I have helped set up and organise groups and events

This matters to me because women must have the right to define ourselves and  to our own spaces, so we can organise politically for our rights, and be physically safe.

I have helped set up and organise groups and events, spoken in social media, and posted other people’s blogs and information, written to parliamentary select committees,

I’ve been given the silent treatment and spoken of very negatively in general terms. But I don’t speak up as much as I would like, in order to avoid further abuse.

Roberta, 1970’s second wave feminist,  lived in women’s communities, single parent. socialist

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Others

I am a victim of domestic abuse, I want single sex spaces to be protected

I am a victim of domestic abuse, I want single sex spaces to be protected.

I have used twitter to amplify the voices of others, and to defend my position and challenge people on their’s.

I have had some mild abuse on twitter.

Jo , domestic abuse survivor

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Healthcare

This matters to me because I am a woman and the word has been redefined in law to include males

This matters to me because I am a woman and the word has been redefined in law to include males. I care because of lived experience including abuse and misogyny.

I can’t raise my voice for fear of losing my career in the NHS. 

I have tweeted in support of Maya and JK Rowling and engaged in learning and reading including the excellent feminist board on Mumsnet

I have not experienced negative consequences because my personal online accounts are not connected to my work accounts.

C, Scottish 48yo female NHS physiotherapist

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Parent

The gender dysphoria is not viewed as a mental health issue and must be accepted at face value and be continually validated

My daughter is adopted from care. She has suffered neglect and abuse. As a very little girl she was powerless to stop that abuse. Now at 17 she believes she is a boy, suffers from depression and a dissociative disorder.

All three are caused by her trauma but the gender dysphoria is not viewed as a mental health issue and must be accepted at face value and be continually validated

I have raised my concerns about the affirmative approach with school – who did not inform us when our daughter started expressing discomfort about her gender to 2 male members of staff.

College view her as a boy and when I raise questions about the cause of a trans identity I am treated with incredulity that I could hold such out- dated opinions! Fortunately social services and our psychologist are more curious.

Not really experienced consequences – other than being viewed as a transphobic dinosaur by some college staff. We tread a very tricky path with our daughter but she is still with us despite knowing our deep concerns. This does put a considerable strain on family life.  

E, Adoptive parent

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Healthcare

I’ve been cautious, but find colleagues interested and in agreement

I work with women and children, have a safeguarding role, I’m a survivor of sexual abuse and domestic violence.

I have spoken up to my work colleagues about my concerns re self ID, puberty blockers and stated I’m shocked our profession isn’t more informed.

I’ve been cautious, but find colleagues interested and in agreement.

A, Health Visitor

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Healthcare

I was subject to sexual abuse because I was a girl, it’s that simple

As a victim of male domestic violence and misogyny in the workplace it is essential to me in personal and public life that sex based rights are not diminished.

I was subject to sexual abuse because I was a girl, it’s that simple.

I’ve supported others who have spoken out, shared info on social media etc.

I’ve experienced negative reaction from family members and friends

C, Feminist without a voice

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Healthcare Others

Men are still telling women what to think

As a woman I care about this because women’s hard won rights are being eroded.  We need single sex spaces and sports to ensure safety, dignity and equality.  I’m worried that children are being pushed into irreversible medical procedures without the knowledge or maturity to make a wise decision.  Men are still telling women what to think, in fact what we are, it’s the same old misogyny as ever.

I have attended Woman’s Place UK meetings.  I submitted evidence to the GRA consultation.  I’ve written to my MP about my concerns.  I’ve spoken to friends and family about the issue.

I’ve been very careful about who I speak to and what I say so I haven’t personally experienced negative consequences. 

As a 63 year old woman I have a lot of older friends, all the women I know in this age bracket are very concerned about this issue, especially about children being pushed into irreversible medical procedures. 

I’ve heard a lot of stories from other women about the abuse they’ve experienced in the past which makes them particularly anxious to maintain single sex spaces for girls and women as an urgent issue.

Maggie, Woman