Categories
Students

I lost a few of my teenage years to identifying as a man

I lost a few of my teenage years to identifying as a man because I did not want to be seen as or be treated like a woman. It’s more common in UK schools than you would think; I can count several other girls who also secretly identified or socially transitioned to a boy in secondary school before going back to living as a woman.

I still feel the urge to go back now- in a way, it would be easier for me to live my life as a man (after passing) than struggle as a gender nonconforming woman.

The appeal is there and it doesn’t help that I hate my body. I hope this is an adequate answer. I am currently 18 and remember first wanting to be a boy when I was about 12-13 until I was 16.

I have tried discussing it with friends and it’s actually quite common for lots of girls to recognise that nonbinary identities are deeply rooted in misogyny and that we are losing a whole generation of tomboys. I haven’t really spoken up about it much as I’ve only recently started looking into gender critical spaces but hope to possibly do more in the future.

I got thrown out of a group chat for discussing my anti-porn stance (I know this isn’t related to gender identity but the opinions are prevalent in gender critical spaces). I am on a discord server where everyone is biologically female but more than half of them do not identify as women. If any of them even knew a sliver of my views I would be metaphorically burned alive. It’s a shame since they are all decent enough people.

Grace, 18 year old West London

Categories
Students

This gender ideology seems profoundly irrational and unscientific to me

This gender ideology seems profoundly irrational and unscientific to me, it feels like part of a wider effort to roll back women’s freedoms and ability to participate in society at a time when misogyny is on the rise.

I’ve talked to friends about this, I’ve been more active on twitter.

Eleanor, mother, angry

Categories
Lesbians Students

I am seeing the existence of my sexuality be denied

I care because as a woman I am seeing all of the hard-earned rights feminists have worked tirelessly for be diminished before our eyes. I care because as a lesbian, I am seeing the existence of my sexuality be denied and the definition of it “extended” to include males by people from within the LGBT community.

I care because I have read the statistics and seen first hand the amount of young girls go through social/medical transition due to homophobia, misogyny and peer pressure.

As a student I witnessed struggling young bisexual and lesbian girls change their name and pronouns to fit in with the “queer” crowd.

I care because I’ve been called vanilla for not wanting to partake in BDSM. I’ve been called a prude for criticizing the porn and sex industries. I care because I care about the rights of lesbians and the rights of all women!

I try to speak up about the injustices I’m seeing as much as possible, online and in real life. Unfortunately I live in an area with no radical feminist groups, and a huge queer community so I only know a small close circle of radfems.

I have been shunned from the LGBT community. People I don’t even know know me and by name and it’s worrying. When I am out and about and I see someone look at me funny I wonder if it’s because they know I am  a “TERF”. Socialising in gay venues has become anxiety-inducing, but I still go because I have every right to be there as a homosexual female. I have been excluded from university groups and people are warned about me.

Rosie, 21 year old lesbian and student

Categories
Students

The university has let women down and let down the nature of university as a place for free speech and discussion

I care because I can understand and empathise with young girls who want an option out of misogyny. I was given the freedom by my parents to grow up relatively gender neutral – having short hair, playing football, wearing my brothers hand-me-downs. I was bullied then for looking like a boy – if then was now i would be scared this would have led to me questioning whether I was actually a boy.

As a woman I know what it feels like to be over-sexualised and objectified by men constantly. I know that there is no way of identifying out of this. I also know the physiological toll this has, in seeing myself through patriarchal eyes, victim blaming myself, and seeing my own body as too sexual. I care because as a life-long feminist, it enrages me and upsets me so deeply to see the feminist movement highjacked by men who are centring themselves in our movement in a way which inevitably breaks down sex class solidarity among women.

It angers me that men have the entitlement to define women and define themselves as women without any understanding of what it means to be a woman. I care so much about this because I recognise what generations of women have fought for before me, and I can see how these achievements are being retrenched every time men are allowed access into female spaces.

I think back to high school and the shame I felt surrounding my period, how even in the girls toilets I would try to open my pad so quietly so no one knew. Imagining what this would be like now, knowing that girls are increasingly forced to accept male bodies in these spaces, makes me beyond sad.

While millions of women and girls around the world experience brutal oppression directly linked to their sex and reproductive capacity, it astounds me how these experiences of male violence are being erased.

This matters to me because mainstream feminism in the UK has failed these women and is no longer serving the goal of female liberation. 

I have actively campaigned alongside other women in Scotland to bin the Gender Recognition Reform Bill and raised my voice by filling in the consultation for the bill. I have attended For Women Scot meetings and the launch of LGB Alliance. I have defended my position, sought to explain it to anyone who will listen, and talked non-stop about this issue since I became aware of it. I have spoken out online but find real life discussions more productive. I am part of XX (Nicole Jones’ young feminist network) and am hoping this will create space for young radical feminist women to feel able to talk publicly about these issues.

Although the majority of my friends have been openminded and interested in this discussion (often themselves feeling like they have been unable to question the logic of transgenderism) and I have gained more friends than I have lost, I have still lost multiple friends and acquaintances. I have faced intolerance from my university in their inability to accommodate the position that a woman is an adult human female, not someone who identifies as one.

Being told by staff at my university (the University of Glasgow) that a gender critical view is transphobic and not to be tolerated, has left me feeling like the university has let women down and also let down the nature of university as a place for free speech and discussion. I am concerned that in the future I will be unable to openly hold these opinions in the workplace.

Kirsty

Categories
Parent

I am appalled that my three daughters may grow up with fewer rights than I had as a teenager and young woman

I care about it as I am horrified to see the misogyny that has existed since time began cloak itself with a progressive cause to undo women’s rights and take away so much of what we have fought for. I care because I am appalled that my three daughters may grow up with fewer rights than I had as a teenager and young woman.

I have been speaking up on social media since 2015 and tentatively speaking about in person from that time, I started attending events in 2018.

I have lost many friends who have unfriended me on Facebook. My relationship with my brother in law and his wife has been permanently soured as he has accused me and my husband of being transphobic. I know that a number of colleagues past and present view me as bigoted.

C, Feminist and mother

Categories
Education Men Parent

I was a good ally

I first became engaged with trans issues when I had to teach a unit on queer theory to my A Level class. Having very little knowledge of my own,  I followed some trans accounts on twitter and read some web resources to develop an understanding. It seemed to me that trans people were an oppressed minority who needed help in overcoming societal prejudice in the same way feminist groups, the civil rights and gay rights movements had done before. I read what I could and spoke up for trans students at college when other members of staff misgendered them in front of me. I was a good ally.

I don’t remember the exact moment I realised that something was wrong. In the early days I got drawn into an argument on twitter about whether men could have periods. It seemed self evident to me that they couldn’t but apparently they could and i was hateful for suggesting otherwise. I assumed at first this was just a lone crank, how wrong I was. The penny dropped for me when I listened to Rebecca Reilly Cooper’s remarkable talk “Examining the doctrine of gender identity” on Youtube. This video had a profound impact on me, I still listen to it a couple of times a year.

I am now hugely invested in this issue and my eyes are open to the harm “the doctrine of gender identity” does to women and girls. I am appalled at the misogyny suffered by women online.

I despair of the pressure young lesbians are put under to accept trans women with penises as sexual partners.

I am terrified at the thought that my beautiful gender non-conforming daughter will be sucked in by the cult. But I am heartened at the number of women (and some men too) that are refusing to go along with the lunacy.

I like plenty of tweets and reply to quite a few, often debating with trans rights activists at length but, ultimately to no real purpose. Occasionally I summon up the courage to send an original tweet myself but not often. I comment on Facebook threads now and then.

I am too nervous to go full TERF on Facebook in front of all the people I know in real life. My partner hates me speaking out publicly even though she agrees with me. She’s worried I might get sacked and she’s right to be concerned about that.

It worries me too, although not enough to make me completely silent.

I teach at a college where traces of the transcult are creeping in. Displays in the library, genderbread people on display in classrooms. I’ve only been there a few months so I feel I need to get bedded in more before I speak out. I’m hoping that one day I’ll be asked to deliver a tutorial or take my class to a talk or get some CPD that will give me the excuse I need to speak up. I truly feel that I will have the courage when the time comes.

Have you had any consequences? So far, very little. Some ex students have told me on twitter how disappointed they are with me but I can easily take that. I’ve not lost any friends or been disciplined at work. My gender critical activities are too far under the radar at the moment. I can’t help but feel that because I’m a man I get off much lighter too.

R, Gender Critical Educator

Categories
Healthcare Parent Transwidows

My husband moved out to live his new life as a woman

Those twelve months were a hell of lies and insults. 

I was told that I should be okay with him transitioning because I “had too much testosterone to be a woman, so should be happy for him to take the female role.” 

And there was a myriad of other examples of misogyny that peppered his arguments.

My children were just starting their teens and were both affected badly by this. My daughter fell out with her Dad, until she decided that she was nonbinary and then she fell out with me. We haven’t spoken in over year and she wrote to me recently to say that she is now a boy (age 18).  My son had a serious mental health issues with self harm and suicide attempts.

When this first happened, I watched friends turn themselves inside out to be understanding and to not be seen as transphobic (though my good friends didn’t take long to decide he was a git – thank god!) My gender critical views do not match with my children’s viewpoints, so I have to try and hold back from voicing how I feel at home.  And ultimately, I blame myself for everything. I can’t get away from the idea that I broke up our family and my gender critical viewpoints mean that I really am a transphobic bigot.

I follow people that have similar views to learn more about feminism and the issues around and share some of the articles that I find interesting.  I am also a teacher and occasionally have conversations with teenagers who have expressed gender confusion – discussing how gender nonconformity doesn’t mean that they are the wrong sex. 

Any consequences? Arguments with my kids, daughter leaving home.

Nicky, musician and teacher

Categories
Healthcare Parent

I promised myself that I would never again collude in someone else’s bulls**t.

I care because I have a daughter- having grown up in a very women-unfriendly family and country, I view transgenderism as another robe that misogyny wears.

I watched “Panti’s noble call” and really felt sympathy for people who felt that they were “born in the wrong body”…and later reflected that at no point in his speech did he reference that the abuse he experienced is something that young women deal with ALL THE TIME.

You titled your questionnaire “speaking up for reality” and having been gaslighted almost to oblivion when married, I promised myself that I would never again collude in someone else’s bulls**t. I am very kind,  considerate and empathetic- but I will not reduce my own boundaries to accommodate someone else’s needs. They have to take responsibility for themselves.

I speak to my children constantly (teens) and advise them to keep their heads down about the issue at school.

I refused to work with a school (professionally) that wanted to modify a bathroom to accommodate a (trans) child, under the guise of adapting the bathroom to meet the needs of another (different) disabled child.

I tentatively raise my voice with friends- but most are still at the point of “what’s the harm in being kind?” or “what difference does it make?” without thinking it through to it’s logical outcome, when manipulated by someone who refuses to recognise usual social boundaries, or who refuses to reciprocate respect.

Not really, but then I havent yet been brave- I really worry for my livelihood (I work with ASD children and teens).

MRP, Ireland

Categories
Others

This all just feels like the same old misogyny in a new package, and I’m appalled by how many women are falling for it

I care because the basis of women’s oppression is and has always been their female body. To me, it feels completely wrong and like a new, “progressive” form of misogyny to deny women the language to talk about their own oppression.

The ideology behind the trans movement is logically inconsistent and inherently sexist – that “woman” is an amalgamation of sexist stereotypes, that women could somehow identify out of the violence and oppression perpetrated against them, that men could somehow identify into experiencing life just like a woman, that women who speak up are deserving of hatred, threats, losing their jobs, or violence.

This all just feels like the same old misogyny in a new package, and I’m appalled by how many women are falling for it. Men I might expect, but the women who enforce it are the most painful of all.

I have spoken up on social media and I have donated to feminist organizations. I don’t feel like I have done enough. Most of my speaking up on social media has been under the protection of anonymity, and when it hasn’t been, there was backlash. I’ve also spoken to certain people in my real life about this, and have found that most people tend to agree once I’ve explained my thoughts to them. I have been threatened and called names online.

I have been told that I am a bigot, that I am hateful, and that I need to be “educated” (I hold a doctoral degree in human biology and have never expressed hatred towards anyone identifying as trans).

These things have been said by strangers as well as a close friend. I have had my Twitter account suspended multiple times for saying things like, “Men cannot become women.” I work in a professional career, and although there have been no professional repercussions yet, I really fear professional repercussions if I were to continue to speak out.

D, feminist scientist, USA

Categories
Healthcare

Objective reality is important

This matters because objective reality is important. Women’s rights are being undermined by postmodern misogyny. Woke ideology is sweeping the youth of the middle classes and has captured a lot of government bodies.

I’ve written blog posts (Redline Marxist blog in NZ), I’m in Speak Up For Women, NZ, held public events including touring Meghan Murphy, interviewed Meghan for Redline.

My employer tried to sack me and I left after a mediated settlement. I am a nurse working in sexual health, contraception.

Cassandra (pseudonym), Fighting the new misogyny