Tag: single sex spaces

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I care as an aunt to a 15 year old girl who refuses to use the bathroom outside of class time

I care as someone who holds two degrees in biomedical science, seeing the spreading of misinformation about biological sex as though it is a debatable hypothesis.

I care as a woman who sees other women shouted down daily, dismissed as hysterical, ageist/misogynistic slurs used against them, all for the crime of organising as a class and wanting to speak about our rights.

I care as an aunt to a 15 year old girl who refuses to use the bathroom outside of class time after they made all of the toilets unisex for inclusivity and boys think it’s funny to intimidate girls in them.

I reply to things on twitter but try not to draw too much attention to myself for fear of backlash,

JD, Netherlands

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Others Parent

I’m made to feel like being a regular woman is a hateful thing in itself

I care because I am a woman, a woman with a daughter. Just like me my daughter is a “Tom boy”.

I never wanted to be a girl either it’s not fun. So I ran around with a group of mostly guy friends. However I still like boys so I would date.

When I was 15 years old I lost my virginity to my first real boyfriend. He must have thought that made him have some ownership over me. I was abused beaten and raped, threatened and very scared to move against him. He carefully separated me from my friends and family. He carefully destroyed me and any confidence I had.

As I got older I realized how dangerous some men really are to women. In a world that is made for men we are seen as lesser then. Anyone with a penis being in the same bathroom as me is scary. I don’t want to be scared in a bathroom or a dressing room. I also need a place to talk, having someone their who has or did have a penis would make me uncomfortable.

I’m not against Trans people. They 100% deserve safety and rights too! But why is it that for them to have rights women have to give away the safety we barely have. It feels like Trans women don’t understand and that might be because our experiences are not the same. That’s ok too.

But opening up women exclusive places because someone says they are a woman is very scary.

Biology is real! What about in sports? Will women have to compete with someone who has male biology? Just bc they call themselves a woman? It’s so not fair. This is not the society I wanted for my daughter. It’s also so confusing. I too spent my whole childhood wishing I was a boy. When my boobs came and I got my period I cried because I wanted to be a boy.

In today’s world, society would tell me to transition. But it would have been wrong for me. Now as a adult I know that I am who I am. I don’t have to change. I am a woman, a mother and I am a little rough around the edges. I keep my hair short. I dress how I want and my fiancé still loves me for me. If I had changed I never would have found my happiness.

I have tried my best to speak out on social media and raise other women up. Sadly there is a scary amount of opposition who don’t care about women’s rights they just want the title. They bring down a storm on your job, your family and everything they can attach to you. What a scary thing. Even if your boss agrees with you, they still have to fire you or lose their business!? That is terrifying.

This “agree with me or suffer the consequences” culture that’s happening. This “cancel culture” has moved to regular people. No longer does an angry mass demand a show be taken off the air.

Now they look at a small town mom and say, “agree with me or I will take everything from you”(it’s actually terrifying if you think about it.)

I’m also a artist so I use some of my art to send a message. It’s usually one drawing on black background and large vibrant words. I’m trying to reach out across the line and ask for thoughtful conversation instead of a angry swarm waiting to destroy on command. I’m no one’s enemy.

The consequences seem to be similar for everyone. Like I said before, even if I’m just asking for conversation or a debate to try and see the problems for what they are I am met with blind hate.

Like a swarm of angry bees waiting to sting whoever comes near their hive, we’re not allowed to touch this conversation. So I’ve had hateful slurs thrown at me. Long time friends have unfriended me and I’m made to feel like being a regular woman is a hateful thing in itself.

C. Mutt, I’m a mom and a Artist. My nature is to love and Create. I believe all people have the Right to be safe, happy and live their best life, USA

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I have been met with disbelief, e.g. “that would never happen” type responses to things that have already occurred

I believe that this is part of a major rollback against women’s rights and I’m concerned for my safety and that of all women and girls if single sex spaces are lost.

I have only felt brave enough to make few anonymous posts online and tentatively mention the issues at work. I have filled out government consultations online and signed petitions too.

I haven’t been negatively affected but I have been met with disbelief, e.g. “that would never happen” type responses to things that have already occurred.

Jiggery Wokery, Politically homeless left-winger

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I have suffered discrimination and sexual abuse

As a woman I have suffered discrimination and sexual abuse, we need to have single sex spaces etc to protect women and their dignity.

I have answered the consultation, emailed my MP, posted on social media, talked to colleagues at work.

I have been called  a terf, lost friends.

Helen, Gender free adult human female

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Women need single-sex spaces

I care because women need single-sex spaces and because of basic fairness, e.g. men being included in women’s sports, fiction prizes etc

I have mainly engaged on social media. Some discussion with friends and family.

My children think I am a transphobe. I’ve lost some friends.

Al, Curmudgeon

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Private sector

As a cancer survivor in 2016 I made jokes about not feeling like a woman

As a cancer survivor in 2016 I made jokes about not feeling like a woman, especially as I wear trousers. Then I started to notice how organisations were starting to replace the word “women”, for example with respect to periods. Now as my daughter turns 17 and self Id and mixed sex toilets are more visible in news stories, I worry about whether she will avoid sex assault or whether she will have fewer rights than me. Also, if you can’t name or define things properly, how can you create legislation?

I gently mention to people at work if I get the opportunity to drop into a conversation or ask an innocent question but its difficult to be too obvious as although my employer isn’t too woke, they seem to be gradually heading that way. I can’t afford to lose my job, as a cancer survivor with health problems I feel I should stay where I am.

A couple of people have completely misunderstood what I’ve said. In general I am sympathetic to how people want to live their lives or live as if they were another sex but I have been appalled by “TRAs ” and the aggression and abuse and everything is transphobic. These colleagues questioned if my questions were transphobic, but it’s not the trans that’s the issue. It’s the aggression and push for self Id which is now feeling like it may encroach on my rights and my daughter’s rights very soon.

Mercury, Biological Geordie  

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Parent

I am worried about implications for my son and daughter

I am worried about implications for my son and daughter – how my son will treat and view women, and the possibility of my daughter getting attacked if single-sex spaces are no longer protected

I have posted on Mumsnet and had discussions with my family (including my sibling who is a transwoman).

PS, educated woman, concerned mother

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I will march if I have to

I care because between the age of 9 to around 11 years old I was sexually abused by a male ‘family friend’. It matters to me to have a safe place away from men to get undressed at the swimming pool and to go to the toilet in peace without men in this space. I didn’t know or even have on my radar any issues with the trans movement and have no ill will to trans people and completely agree they should have safe spaces, unisex spaces but can never agree to give up safe spaces for women and I will march if I have to.

Well only tonight have I had the courage to post on my Facebook JK Rowling post, I’m ashamed to say I’ve not done it sooner through fear of being called transphobic or a bigot but I’ve decided I must speak out.

Only time will tell but so far 3 of my Facebook friends have liked it and no one has unfriended me, if they do they do but I hope this means real life people actually are nothing like the hate on Twitter.

Karen T, private sector (employed)

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Parent Private sector survivor

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs

This matters to me because I am a 40 year old mother of a 4 year old daughter. I have been sexually assaulted (police involved) at my place at work as a steward at a premier league football club. I took it in my stride but my wonderful male supervisor witnessed it and had to remind me that it was unacceptable and called the police for me (I was conditioned to accept groping/casual sexual assault).

Beaten by a boyfriend between the ages of 16 and 19. Been called frigid/loose as a school girl by school boys. Flashed 3 times as a teenager, the third time the male adult masturbated in front of me. Received comments about my body/appearance constantly since teenage years. Sexually assaulted on a train at night, reported to police the next day, nothing they could do.

Most of this took place in PUBLIC! Fuck inviting this to a private (previously) safe space where nudity is involved.

I am an HR Manager and have supported a male colleague through transition. He subsequently gaslighted me and started using the female toilet 24 hours after becoming a trans woman, in the flick of a switch.

I am supposed to disregard the fact that he is in fact in possession of full male sexual organs. I ended up triggered and in counselling and uncomfortable to now use the shared toilets.  I don’t want this shit for my daughter. I DON’T WANT THIS SHIT FOR ANYONE!

I’ve followed feminists and dipped my toe in the water by asking Jon Ronson exactly what he felt that Graham Linehan had done wrong. Got threatened, terfed and gaslit. I am now prepared to level up!

I have also been berated and hated on by my woke sister, who in fact in her youth, witnessed me being beaten by my then boyfriend on more than one occasion. 😦

Owning womanhood for the first time in my life, anakindrytalker

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I am angry about the drift towards rejecting the term “same-sex attraction”

I care about the conflation of sex and “gender identity” because it risks undermining the legal and political rights of women and lesbians. How can the pay gap be tracked when people who have achieved a top job as a male then identify as a woman, changing their employers statistics overnight and erasing any trace of the real picture? No longer being able to reliably record, collate and analyse statistics of the social, political and economic impact of our biological sex will make it impossible to have an evidence-based discussion about sexism and misogyny.

I am angry about the drift towards rejecting the term “same-sex attraction” and that organisations such as Stonewall are not supporting lesbians, and are actively silencing discussion on this issue.

I am very worried about the numbers of young lesbians that report that they resorted to defining themselves as non-binary, asexual or “queer”, often being coerced into having relationships with males, and taking several years to realise that they were lesbians.

I am very proud of those young women now detransitioning/desisting from a trans identity, but am very upset about their experiences of a conveyor-belt approach to hastily validating and medicalising their trans identity, with no consideration of the other factors that had led them to start on this path, and no exploration/promotion of the possibility that they were lesbians.

Given that such a high proportion of those in prison who identify as “transwomen” are convicted of serious and sexual offences, then either there is a high proportion of transwomen who are perpetrators, or a high proportion of perpetrators who falsely claim to be transwomen – either way, including biological males in women-only spaces clearly adds a new and statistically very significant risk, and the silencing around discussing this is nothing new in the context of sexual and physical abuse.

I have initiated many discussions in real-life with people and have shared articles on social media. I have taken part in discussions on social media and tried to focus my thoughts on those who are new to this discussion and need to see something other than name-calling and antagonism.

I have had a huge amount of my time taken up by having to keep responding to antagonistic and accusatory comments, rather than leave them stand – it is difficult to get the balance between not allowing people to maliciously take up my time, and ensuring that they do not get to dictate the tone and context of the discussion. I have been very fearful of reprisals and targetting of organisations that I’m publicly associated with, so have always had to double-check everything I write/say.

Jill H, Lesbian feminist