Categories
Academics and researchers trans familiy

My brother wants to transition to be my sister. In the beginning we were all supportive

This matters to me because my brother wants to transition to be my sister.  In the beginning we were all supportive – even my elderly parents . This period lasted two years and then as we began to learn more and question (especially me about women’s rights) my sibling grew aggressive.

Our refusal as a family to be bullied into thinking and accepting his normality without question led to huge rows and now he does not speak to us. 

Worse, he has given very personal information about me to my ex husband (my marriage was one of coercive control) and he is using this to destroy me financially and professionally (I’m an academic).

I joined Groups on Facebook & Twitter and tried to educate myself in the issues.

Financially and as a family – My work is at risk from being named.

NS, Academic and feminist

Categories
Academics and researchers

Women can never fully escape the consequences of their reproductive role

This matters to me because after embracing feminist beliefs for my entire adult life I have now accepted that women can never fully escape the consequences of their reproductive role. This does not make women inherently weak or vulnerable (far from it), but in patriarchal societies it does create periods of economic dependency (on individual men or women or on the state, in which patriarchal concepts of citizenship are deeply embedded) and has longer-term consequences for how women are positioned in the labour market and treated in society.

It is not possible to fully escape biological reality. However, what feminism can do-and has done-is to ameliorate as far as possible the social, economic, political and legal consequences of this through legislation (women’s rights/women’s human rights) and by working to change socially and culturally embedded ideas about gender and gender roles. 

Transgender ideology, and self-ID specifically, puts all these gain in jeopardy. On an intellectual level, I understand Butler’s (et al) purpose -and intent-in arguing that sex is a social construct.

However, a wishful idealism that denies material reality is doomed to fail. The political project is thus naive, yet jeopardises all the concrete gains made by feminists over decades of struggle.

In so far as it challenges all boundaries, it can also enable bad actors that pose a risk to vulnerable groups.

I work in a university, most closely with feminist colleagues sympathetic to Queer Theory. I am generally supportive of the Equality, Diversity and Inclusion agenda. However, I have spoken out publicly (email, meetings) about the dangers of this agenda being  hijacked and I have publicly spoken out against no platforming.

Interestingly, some Queer Theory/feminist colleagues have told me privately that they agree with me, so too a Non Binary colleague who now believes that no platforming is not the way to resolve this conflict. That’s good enough for me.

If we can have public debate, free from intimidation, I believe gender critical feminists will prevail and we can then move on to a constructive discussion on how to tackle the discrimination faced by trans people, without sacrificing women’s sex-based rights.

I have outed myself twice on Twitter (were I am not anonymous), with no serious consequences for me,  but I generally do not engage on Twitter on this or any other matter. Anonymity removes accountability for comments posted and the growing factionalism and polarisation squeezes out moderate voices.

I accept that engagement on social media was necessary when MSM (Mainstream Media) and politicians wouldn’t touch the issue and I admire the courage of those who have spoken out at great cost to themselves during this time. However, I fear the debate on Twitter is now so toxic that it is better to utilize other spaces and possibilities for discussion, more of which are opening up as the tide turns in the favour of gender criticals (in the UK at least).

I resigned from the Labour Party over the Woman’s Place debacle. I have written to the Labour Party about the issue. I have supported numerous crowd funders.

Any backlash was likely to come from trans and non binary colleagues and students, but it hasn’t happened (yet) and, as above, some colleagues have told me privately they agree with me. One non binary student approached me after a lecture and complained about my “cis language.” I invited them to talk to me later when we had more time to discuss their concerns. I feared an official complaint was in the offing, but I never heard from them again.

That said, I do not feel that I can be completely honest about my views. To the extent that I actively self-police, I acknowledge that there is still a problem and we have some way to go. We all need to engage with our colleagues respectfully and with civility, but it is necessary to air important matters in ways that do not obfuscate the issues. This is not happening in my institution or indeed across my wider feminist network. Instead, both sides are dealing with the conflict by not confronting it.

I am also experiencing this on a personal level. I know my daughter agrees with me on certain issues-e.g. that trans participation with decimate women’s sport and that bad actors will exploit self-ID in ways that put women at risk. However, she lives in one of the Wokiest cities in the UK where most of her friends and much of her social support comes from her LGBT network. We have discussed in the past, but recently she has asked me not to talk to her about this (a way of not confronting her own feelings, I think) and so we don’t, even as we are very close and can talk openly about just about any other subject.

Annys, Academic

Categories
Academics and researchers Healthcare

It is the biggest threat to women’s rights we have ever seen

This is the most important issue to me because it is the biggest threat to women’s rights we have ever seen. It will remove our legal definition and protection in one foul swoop forcing many women into self exclusion from public places. We are losing a generation of lesbian and gay children and enabling paedophilia to cloak under the rainbow.

I have written to my MP, I have attended meetings in the House of Lords, I have attended women’s meetings, I write regularly bringing the primary sources to quick access for people. Indeed I have spent hours of my life and written thousands of words on the topic. I have demonstrated, I have placed stickers, I have spoken to all women I know and every woman I meet. I wear slogan t-shirts out to start conversations.

I lost any prospect of work within my university, I lost close friends, I was attacked online by supposed allies to women resulting in a week with police interviews and therapy. I have been doxxed, no-platformed, lost a book deal.

Dr Em, academic, radical feminist, campaigner

Categories
Academics and researchers Healthcare

I want to use language I chose not what is chosen for me

I care because I want children, girls especially, to be safe. Because of destransitioners, because of those making £ shouldn’t get away with it. Because schools should educate and not indoctrinate children. Because ‘woman’ is not a feeling or a costume or a fetish.

And because I want someone to vote for. I want to use language I chose not what is chosen for me. It could take a while to get to the very bitter end but I will never give up.

I have spoken about this a lot in real life, from my hairdresser to my libfem friends. I support and volunteer with organisations that are doing great things. I complain and write letters to the BBC, to my MP…

and I participate in online groups which aim to hear both sides. It’s usually a waste of time but I try to engage and find common ground. It’s exhausting.

I have been accused of bigotry and transphobia, I have been told to “be careful” at work. I have argued with my partner and lost a friend of 20+ years. I have been scared of attending events but so far have not had any physical attacks, only verbal.

Lexi , It’s not radical to centre women in feminism , Left Twitter after I got blocked and  before I got banned

Categories
Education Men Parent

I was a good ally

I first became engaged with trans issues when I had to teach a unit on queer theory to my A Level class. Having very little knowledge of my own,  I followed some trans accounts on twitter and read some web resources to develop an understanding. It seemed to me that trans people were an oppressed minority who needed help in overcoming societal prejudice in the same way feminist groups, the civil rights and gay rights movements had done before. I read what I could and spoke up for trans students at college when other members of staff misgendered them in front of me. I was a good ally.

I don’t remember the exact moment I realised that something was wrong. In the early days I got drawn into an argument on twitter about whether men could have periods. It seemed self evident to me that they couldn’t but apparently they could and i was hateful for suggesting otherwise. I assumed at first this was just a lone crank, how wrong I was. The penny dropped for me when I listened to Rebecca Reilly Cooper’s remarkable talk “Examining the doctrine of gender identity” on Youtube. This video had a profound impact on me, I still listen to it a couple of times a year.

I am now hugely invested in this issue and my eyes are open to the harm “the doctrine of gender identity” does to women and girls. I am appalled at the misogyny suffered by women online.

I despair of the pressure young lesbians are put under to accept trans women with penises as sexual partners.

I am terrified at the thought that my beautiful gender non-conforming daughter will be sucked in by the cult. But I am heartened at the number of women (and some men too) that are refusing to go along with the lunacy.

I like plenty of tweets and reply to quite a few, often debating with trans rights activists at length but, ultimately to no real purpose. Occasionally I summon up the courage to send an original tweet myself but not often. I comment on Facebook threads now and then.

I am too nervous to go full TERF on Facebook in front of all the people I know in real life. My partner hates me speaking out publicly even though she agrees with me. She’s worried I might get sacked and she’s right to be concerned about that.

It worries me too, although not enough to make me completely silent.

I teach at a college where traces of the transcult are creeping in. Displays in the library, genderbread people on display in classrooms. I’ve only been there a few months so I feel I need to get bedded in more before I speak out. I’m hoping that one day I’ll be asked to deliver a tutorial or take my class to a talk or get some CPD that will give me the excuse I need to speak up. I truly feel that I will have the courage when the time comes.

Have you had any consequences? So far, very little. Some ex students have told me on twitter how disappointed they are with me but I can easily take that. I’ve not lost any friends or been disciplined at work. My gender critical activities are too far under the radar at the moment. I can’t help but feel that because I’m a man I get off much lighter too.

R, Gender Critical Educator

Categories
Education Parent

If someone had told me that in 2020, women would be fighting desperately to hang on to the definition of woman I’d have thought they were crazy.

This matters to me because when I was a student in the mid-1980s, I was a feminist (of course!) but I was confident that most of the major battles had been won, and that we were on a trajectory towards genuine equality. If someone had told me that in 2020, women would be fighting desperately to hang on to the definition of woman, in order to protect our hard-won rights, I’d have thought they were crazy.

I have written to my MP, written in support of gender-critical women who raise their voices publicly, written private letters of support to those women; made FOI requests on sex/gender topics; spent several Saturdays leafleting with other women involved in the Fair Play For Women campaign to draw attention to the proposed GRA reforms; completed the govt’s GRA reform consultation questionnaire; completed Edward Lord’s (shocking) consultation on making all City of London visitor attraction toilets mixed-sex; been active on social media; written a (far too occasional) blog; taken every opportunity to talk to family and friends (and selected colleagues) about these issues; attended WPUK and Let A Woman Speak and other events; spoken at Women Say in Hyde Park on IWD 2020; with others, set up a women’s group in our city which meets regularly (before lockdown); am active in a private Slack group for GC professionals in my sector.

As a consequence I have been frozen out of the friendship group I made when my son was a baby, because one of the mothers has a “trans child”. My son has been asked by other students at school (he attends a school which is obsessively proud about its Stonewall status) if his mother is “still a TERF”.

Rachel Bosenterfer, Adult human female. Mother. Loudmouth

Categories
Academics and researchers

I know in confidence a lot of my colleagues are critical of what is happening

Because as a feminist I care about women’s safety, political representation, voice…

As a scientist I care about truth being grounded in material reality & empirical observations.

As a socialist I believe class analysis is the most powerful tool to reveal the power dynamics at play in the world and I understand that denying that women are a class prevents the analysis of our millennia long subordination and our liberation.

I have spoken up for free speech and debate about gender and sex in my union (UCU). I have written letters, articles (including scientific article), threads on Twitter in order to raise awareness and offer a feminist perspective on the issue. I have signed letters in newspaper. I have campaigned with women’s groups, I have distributed flyers, I have emailed my MPs.

I have been defamed by my union, humiliated during general meetings, called a bigot, laughed at… I can not speak freely at work even though I know in confidence a lot of my colleagues are critical of what is happening. Management is refusing to listen and treats me as an inconvenient voice that needs to be silenced.

L Harris, Scientist and feminist

Categories
Education

I care about actual women

I’m a feminist. I care about actual women.

I’ve objected at staff training events, emailed colleagues, posted on media.

Any consequences? Snidey comments from colleagues, rejected for promotion for this

Persephone, Teacher

Categories
Healthcare Parent Transwidows

My husband moved out to live his new life as a woman

Those twelve months were a hell of lies and insults. 

I was told that I should be okay with him transitioning because I “had too much testosterone to be a woman, so should be happy for him to take the female role.” 

And there was a myriad of other examples of misogyny that peppered his arguments.

My children were just starting their teens and were both affected badly by this. My daughter fell out with her Dad, until she decided that she was nonbinary and then she fell out with me. We haven’t spoken in over year and she wrote to me recently to say that she is now a boy (age 18).  My son had a serious mental health issues with self harm and suicide attempts.

When this first happened, I watched friends turn themselves inside out to be understanding and to not be seen as transphobic (though my good friends didn’t take long to decide he was a git – thank god!) My gender critical views do not match with my children’s viewpoints, so I have to try and hold back from voicing how I feel at home.  And ultimately, I blame myself for everything. I can’t get away from the idea that I broke up our family and my gender critical viewpoints mean that I really am a transphobic bigot.

I follow people that have similar views to learn more about feminism and the issues around and share some of the articles that I find interesting.  I am also a teacher and occasionally have conversations with teenagers who have expressed gender confusion – discussing how gender nonconformity doesn’t mean that they are the wrong sex. 

Any consequences? Arguments with my kids, daughter leaving home.

Nicky, musician and teacher

Categories
Education Healthcare

I could not be complicit in socially transitioning a very young child at my school

This matters to me as a parent, educator and former mental health professional.

I don’t want children who don’t conform to rigid stereotypes of dress or personality to feel they don’t fit in and are therefore ‘trans’. I could not be complicit in socially transitioning a very young child at my school (after a trans charity trained senior staff).

I think that much better attention should be paid to children’s social adjustment and mental health, and to tackling bullying and gender stereotypes,  before taking such radical steps, based on what I consider to be a belief system. I don’t understand how Safeguarding can be so easily discarded.

I have written to newspapers and contributed to BTL comments, donated to crowdfunders, campaign groups and signed petitions, communicated with my MP and members of the House of Lords. I have attended meetings and a court case. I have become a feminist because, in middle age, I hadn’t fully understood how a concept so dismissive of women (the idea of innate gender identity; the idea that being a woman is a nebulous ‘concept’ that is up for grabs) could have gained so much traction.

The negative consequence has been that I resigned from my job – a job I had loved and been effective in. It’s had a chillling effect on my sense of security and justice to feel that something so unproven and potentially damaging to the rights and wellbeing of women and children has had so little scrutiny.

I have become aware that certain people feel themselves to have an unviolable sense of having the ‘correct’ views, based on the way they vote, and how unwilling they are to listen once they have placed a label (bigot) on others.

Gemma, Adult human female