Tag: survivor

Categories
Others

You absolutely cannot understand what it means to be female if you have been raised and socialised as a man

This matters to me because I am a feminist who believes in equality.  You absolutely cannot understand what it means to be female if you have been raised and socialised as a man.  You cannot understand what makes a female feel vulnerable around male bodies.  Male entitlement.  Male strength.  Male power. 

I have been raped more than once.  Sexually abused from childhood.  Controlled, belittled, groped, patronised, objectified by men.  Being a woman is not a costume, it is a lifetime of looking over your shoulder.  Being born and raised as a male will give you no insight into that underlying fear.

I have done very little.  I’m too scared to put my thoughts out there.  I’ve seen brave women who have spoken out and have been attacked and abused for their beliefs. 

I have lost a good friend.  She has been in an abusive relationship for years, and left it to go into another.  She is a good person and has been raised to “be nice”.  She is nice to her abusers and blames herself.  That is what female socialisation does to you. 

Doris, I am a woman.  An adult human female

Categories
Parent Transwidows

I struggled with my gender identity in my teens

I struggled with my gender identity in my teens, I have been sexually assaulted and took part in a celibate marriage with a person who used me as a depressing up dolly and later came out as trans.

I have talked to people, but people call me names. My youngest daughter gets very angry with me

LMD , Asperger’s female not CIS but woman

Categories
Education

I was forced out of a voluntary role as domestic violence safeguarding coordinator

I care because I understand, through my own experience, that women are oppressed, harmed and killed for being female.

I have posted on social media, written to MPs, renounced my membership of the Labour Party, been to events, spoken out in real life.

I was forced out of a voluntary role as domestic violence safeguarding coordinator for my church because I tweeted about DV, its impact on women and girls, and why we must fight for our right to name ourselves and our oppression. I was doxxed and was dragged in front of the Diocesan safeguarding team so they could “assess my suitability” for the role. I resigned.

Vicky Miller, Teacher and trade unionist

Categories
Healthcare

I think that it is crucial for female only spaces to exist

I think that it is crucial for female only spaces to exist. I was raped in a changing room and I do not wish to see a woman with a penis in a changing room or in the showers of my gym.

I took action against turning the staff ladies’ washroom at my workplace into a unisex washroom. Funny enough, the mens’ room was supposed to stay.

I no longer talk to a few people I was friendly with.

C, Gynaecologist, Germany

Categories
Others

As a survivor of trauma from a trans woman, this matters to me because I want other women to be safe

As a survivor of trauma from a trans woman, this matters to me because I want other women to be safe and to recognize red flags.

I have advocated for female only safe spaces. I have talked about my biological reality, the health issues I face due to being born female. I have spoken about the dangers I am subjected to due to being born female.

I have gotten a few private messages from long time friends who are trans asking me if I’m transphobic.

KP, USA

Categories
Others

I am a victim of domestic abuse, I want single sex spaces to be protected

I am a victim of domestic abuse, I want single sex spaces to be protected.

I have used twitter to amplify the voices of others, and to defend my position and challenge people on their’s.

I have had some mild abuse on twitter.

Jo , domestic abuse survivor

Categories
Parent

The gender dysphoria is not viewed as a mental health issue and must be accepted at face value and be continually validated

My daughter is adopted from care. She has suffered neglect and abuse. As a very little girl she was powerless to stop that abuse. Now at 17 she believes she is a boy, suffers from depression and a dissociative disorder.

All three are caused by her trauma but the gender dysphoria is not viewed as a mental health issue and must be accepted at face value and be continually validated

I have raised my concerns about the affirmative approach with school – who did not inform us when our daughter started expressing discomfort about her gender to 2 male members of staff.

College view her as a boy and when I raise questions about the cause of a trans identity I am treated with incredulity that I could hold such out- dated opinions! Fortunately social services and our psychologist are more curious.

Not really experienced consequences – other than being viewed as a transphobic dinosaur by some college staff. We tread a very tricky path with our daughter but she is still with us despite knowing our deep concerns. This does put a considerable strain on family life.  

E, Adoptive parent

Categories
Healthcare

I was subject to sexual abuse because I was a girl, it’s that simple

As a victim of male domestic violence and misogyny in the workplace it is essential to me in personal and public life that sex based rights are not diminished.

I was subject to sexual abuse because I was a girl, it’s that simple.

I’ve supported others who have spoken out, shared info on social media etc.

I’ve experienced negative reaction from family members and friends

C, Feminist without a voice

Categories
Healthcare

As a survivor of sexual assault I cannot stand by and allow men to invade the spaces where women should feel safe.

This matters to me because female rights are slowly being diluted by a small majority of misogynistic men. As a survivor of sexual assault I cannot stand by and allow men to invade the spaces where women should feel safe.

I feel angry that these groups of men feel that they can appropriate female language and can call people who are standing up for their rights as Terfs, transphobic, or other derogatory terminology. Mansplaining at its finest, a very dangerous path we are heading down.

I have drawn the attention of friends who were not even aware of what has been happening. I have provided evidence to family and friends about the proposed changes to women’s rights and the dangers that come with allowing men to identify as female. I would like to raise my voice more and am considering an anonymous blog or twitter page so that I can contribute to this safely.

In terms of my friends and family I have found that they have been open to the information that I have provided. However, I am currently employed in a profession that certainly promotes inclusivity and an understanding of the feelings of others so I would be worried about the consequences if I was to speak of these things on a higher platform.

A, Feminist

Categories
Healthcare

It’s a small life, I can’t trust all that easily and the wounds I carry bleed from time to time, but it’s a life and I owe that to the women that looked after me as soon as I left the airport.

I care about this issue because at the age of 14 I was raped to try and correct my homosexuality. I came to the UK as soon as I could at the age of 18 to seek asylum due to the harassment I received in my home country following the very public trial.

The people that raped me knew what a woman was, if I’d have been a gay man they would have hit and physically assaulted me and not raped me. It is important that we acknowledge and deal with the issues at the heart of violence against women in the UK as well as internationally.

If women coming to this country to seek asylum for MVAW (male violence against women) cannot tell their stories and get meaningful help because their language is now hate speech or exclusionary then how much of a safe refuge is this country?

I was broken when I came here in 2001, I’d experienced an unwanted pregnancy due to the rape and tried to abort at home due to abortion being illegal in my home country. It didn’t work and I was forced to carry my trauma with me for 9 months only to give birth to a child that only survived for 76hrs due to damage caused to his brain by my attempts to terminate. I have to live with this. A lot of women have to live with these kinds of wounds.

We need a place and a language to talk about our issues and to heal. To find support that demands nothing from us, not validation, not that we change our language, nothing.

I managed to get the help I needed and have managed to carve out a life here. It’s a small life, I can’t trust all that easily and the wounds I carry bleed from time to time, but it’s a life and I owe that to the women that looked after me as soon as I left the airport. The female doctors and nurses I was able to ask for, the female therapist who was with me for 15 years and delayed her retirement to help me stand on my own. The lecturers at my university who guided me and helped me gain a degree and become financially independent of the state. The lesbian community that helped me accept myself. They became my tribe, I am thankful.

I have written to my MP, I have been to his surgery to speak to him. He seems sympathetic, he’s from a Religious minority group himself and seems sympathetic but I’m not sure he has really done much about this as his party is firmly pro trans.

I have joined online forums and signed petitions and donated where I could. All the people I speak to seem to be very sympathetic and understand the insanity of where women find ourselves but many fear speaking publicly as do I.

I’ve lost friends. I work in an NHS mental heath setting and most of the people I work with understand the insanity of the current trans movement but this is whispered in dark corners and can never be said openly.

Everyone is scared, I had a colleague say to me a while back that we, as mental heath services, are going to pay dearly for this in a few years time but we daren’t go against the Stonewall lobby that is everywhere in our Trust.

As a mother, grandmother, feminist, educationalist, woman, this matters to me for a number of reasons. As a survivor of domestic abuse, I know how vital to me were women only spaces. I would not have been able to get the support I needed if I had not been confident that specific spaces were open only to women. The fear of such spaces being available to male-bodied people, however they identify, is very real and, I believe, would prevent women from accessing safety, support and much needed resources.

Sex is real. Women are women. Women’s oppression is based on sex. Women’s hard-won rights are in real danger of being eroded. Trans people have rights and, obviously, shoukd do. These are safeguarded in law. As are sex-based rights. The two are separate. One set of rights should not, and need not, trump another. Women are women, transwomen are transwomen and both should be safeguarded.

I am deeply concerned at what is being promulgated in schools and what children and young people are being told online. Feminism has fought for years to break down gender stereotypes. Our nonconforming children should be allowed/encouraged to be just that. Dress wearing boys and tomboy girls should not be told they are in the wrong body.

It’s clear that many young people, disproportionately girls, disproportionately those with conditions like autism, are being put on a path to medicalised transition too early, too quickly and often inappropriately. There is insufficient research into the impact of puberty blockers and what evidence there is suggests not the ‘pause’ as is often cited but the first step in an increasingly inevitable pathway.

Women are being silenced. We are afraid to speak for fear of casually being labelled and abused as transphobic. We are not. Generally, we are progressive women with histories of fighting for human rights and many causes. We haven’t suddenly become bigots. We are not transphobic. We ARE supporters of women’s rights.

I’ve made social media posts, attended consultation at House of Lords and submitted evidence to the Gender Recognition Act consultation.

P, Women matter